The Everything Kids' Giant Book of Jokes, Riddles, and Brain Teasers - Michael Dahl [9]
Why are the dinosaurs extinct?
They smelled so bad.
What do you say when you want your dinosaur to move faster?
“Pronto, saurus!”
Why don't you ever let a tyrannosaur drive your car?
Because a tyrannosaurus rex.
Why are meteors better than toilet paper?
Because one meteor was able to wipe out all the dinosaurs in the world.
Why did the caveman always show up at the party first?
He was Early Man.
What do you call the first man who discovered fire?
Toast.
What did the cavewoman say when she found bugs crawling under a rock?
“Dinner's ready!”
What do you call the remains of a woolly mammoth?
A fuzzle.
What do you call a dinosaur stuck in a glacier?
A fossicle.
What do you get when you cross a dinosaur with a pig?
Jurassic Pork.
Why did the dinosaur cross the road?
Chickens hadn't evolved yet.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Iguanodon.
Iguanodon who?
Iguanodon town to see the dinosaur exhibit.
Then there was the caveboy who invented the wheel. He told his buddies to keep it a secret. “Don't tell my dad,” he said. “Or he'll make me invent the garage.”
What do pterodactyls have that no other creature has?
Little pterodactyls.
What toys did cavekids play with?
Tricera-tops.
A full-grown stegosaurus can grow up to how many feet?
Just the four.
The world's first glacier was spotted by a caveman with good ice sight.
Cavepeople invented the world's first music by rolling boulders down a hill. They called it rock-and-roll.
Teacher: Why were there no humans alive during the dinosaur age?
Alex: Because it was Pre-Stork times.
Jokin' Around
Double or Nothing
Tell a friend or an adult that you will be able to double their money without buying anything, going on the Stock Exchange, or using a computer. Then ask them for a dollar bill.
Simply fold the bill in half and say, “There! I doubled your money!”
Did you hear about the cavewoman who found a saber-toothed tiger trapped in a block of ice? She quickly built a fire and melted the ice, releasing the dangerous creature. After the tiger carried off her husband, her neighbors asked her why she had done it. “I made a terrible mistake,” she said. “I thought I thawed a pussycat!”
GROSS!
A man is racing to the bathroom, a second man is leaving it, and a third man is still inside. Can you guess their nationalities?
Russian, Finnish, and European.
What did Mother say to Father when their baby boy fell down the stairs?
“Oh, look, honey! Our little boy is taking his first twenty-three steps!”
Mother: Why did you put a frog in your sister's bed?
Jimmy: I couldn't find a snake.
What's worse than finding a worm in your apple?
Finding half a worm.
“Waiter! There's a cockroach in my salad!” “Please don't shout, sir. Or else the other customers will be asking for one, too!”
“Everything about life is funny.”
— Monica Seles
Teacher: Oh dear! I've lost another pupil.
Principal: How did that happen?
Teacher: My glass eye flew out the window while I was driving.
Did you hear about the poor girl who swallowed the thermometer?
She's dying by degrees.
What's the difference between a saloon and an elephant's burp?
One is a bar room, and the other is a bar-OOOOM!
Do you remember when you lost your baby teeth?
Yeah, and was I surprised my dad could hit a baseball that hard!
“A train smashed into my bicycle, and I didn't even get hurt.”
“Why not?”
“My brother Dave was riding it.”
How do you keep a rooster from crowing on Sunday morning?
Make rooster stew Saturday night.
Why doesn't your sister like eating dill pickles?
She keeps getting her head stuck in the jar.
“That bully down the street just broke my finger!”
“Gosh, how did he do that?”
“He hit me in the nose.”
Did you hear about the new principal who's been keeping the boys on their toes?
He raised all the urinals six inches.
How was King Henry VIII different from normal husbands?
He married his wives first, and axed them after.
There was a young monk of Siberia
Who of fasting grew wearia and wearia,
Till one day with a yell
He escaped from his cell
And devoured