• Choose a category
• All
• Classic-Fiction

With inclusion in mind, we feel it is necessary to approach members of other religions in an effort to show them our beliefs. It’s possible that Christians, Jews, Muslims, Hindus, Buddhists, and all the other religions, except probably for Scientologists, may be willing to convert after hearing about FSMism. We welcome with open arms any members of other religions. And remember our guarantee:

Try us for thirty days and if you don’t like us, your God will most likely take you back.

This is an important detail in spreading His Word. If it works for infomercials, it will definitely work for religion. The God-back guarantee should always be offered up front. It shows that we’re confident about our beliefs and helps to build trust. Trust is very important when you’re trying to change somebody’s beliefs. And since we’re one of the few religions that’s never threatened nonbelievers with violence, it’s all we’ve got.

Before you begin evangelizing, remember to heed this warning:

Be careful of whom you attempt to convert. Members of some religions should be approached with care.

As a missionary you must select a target wisely. Always try to keep to high-traffic areas. That way you can be sure to maximize religious outreach. Always present yourself in a neat and friendly manner, unless you are wearing Pirate regalia, which you should be, in which case you should remember that an eye patch will affect depth perception. This brings us to our next point:

When wearing an eye patch, always remember that objects may be closer or farther away than they appear.

Not only is this statement true in fact, but it is also true spiritually.1 If you’re talking to a Mormon and he keeps smiling pleasantly, be sure to watch his hands. You may think you’ve cornered a potential Pastafarian, while he may be considering where his gun’s at. Always be alert. You are doing His work, but His protective appendages might be occupied with other things. Ask yourself, is this guy taking just a few too many sips of his orange soda? Is one of his wives lurking in the background? If you start to get a bad feeling, leave and live to fight another day. Other religions may be pushy: We’re not. In fact, take some hints from Mormons and Jehovah’s Witnesses. As much as people like to get visited at home by strangers who tell them they’re most likely going to Hell, we prefer less intrusive means of missionary work. Our ways are subtle.

Know your audience and choose the right message.

This is important. Because of the nondogmatic nature of FSMism, there’s been some discussion as to whether liberal areas are better for missionary work. Indeed, Pastafarians seem to have good luck finding converts on college campuses, although that could be due to the drugs.2 Still, there’s no doubt that promises of a Beer Volcano and a Stripper Factory in Heaven will likely be more effective with male college students, for example, than with female senior citizens.3 So always use your noodle and direct the right message to the right audience. A couple of other examples should help:

ACADEMICS are likely to appreciate that FSMism is based on rigid scientific observations. With them it’s a good idea to cite evidence of the Flying Spaghetti Monster’s existence. Bring this book along as an aid. Show the academics the pictures, graphs, and diagrams, many of which appear to be scientific in nature. In addition, it may be helpful to note that we Pastafarians are involved in ongoing important research, most importantly related to the established link between global warming and the decline in the Pirate population.

THE ELDERLY are most easily reached through their firmly entrenched moral values. FSMism is, after all, a comparatively conservative religion. Even though we don’t discriminate, and although we openly accept those of varied backgrounds and sexual preference into our religion, it can be noted as advantageous that there are many more gay and lesbian preachers in Christian churches than