The Gospel of the Flying Spaghetti Monster - Bobby Henderson [35]
CHILDREN are generally not the brightest of people, and can be easily converted to FSMism. Mentioning Pirates will ensure it.
CELEBRITIES are an interesting matter. Consider them to be a special project. When an actor or musician adopts a religion it is a sure sign that it is going to be popular. As such, we suggest identifying one or two hot targets. Lindsay Lohan seems like she’d be open to Pastafarianism. Also, Madonna is probably up for a conversion soon. We suggest approaching those celebrities who appear to be starving. You might want to mention that a high-carbohydrate diet is just what they need to restore their physical and spiritual well-being.
Interacting with Believers of Other Faiths
We will now go through the various faiths and make suggestions for missionaries. As noted above, interacting with other faiths is a touchy subject, as most people who have already found religion believe unquestionably that theirs is the correct one. This is due to the fact that most mainstream religions have successfully convinced their followers that faith—belief not supported by evidence—is a good thing. And so, in the process of converting, say, a Christian to a Pastafarian, not only do you have to convince them to believe in a different God, but you also have to convince them that strong belief without basis, while admittedly more comfortable than thinking, is not our way of doing things. In other words, Pastafarians reject dogma outright. So what it comes down to is that, even if your potential convert accepts the existence of the Flying Spaghetti Monster, he may be unwilling to let go of his dogmatic belief system—having grown accustomed to having his moral values decided for him. It is at the least an uphill battle. That doesn’t mean we don’t try, though. Pastafarians love a challenge.
Choosing a target takes some psychology. Some religions are more open than others. Luckily, it’s not hard to discern what is considered acceptable in each religion. MORMONS, for example, prefer to discuss faith door-to-door with strangers. It follows then that, since this is their chosen method of discourse, they would welcome Pastafarian visitors showing up unannounced at their doorsteps. We suggest arriving as early as possible to make a good impression. Anyone can get up at noon, but it takes dedication and character to make a five a.m. visit. Your potential ex-Mormon/new-Pastafarian converts are likely to notice this and be impressed. It also may not hurt to bring along some orange soda—it’s like crack for Mormons. No one knows why exactly, although scientists tell us it probably has something to do with the genetic anomalies caused by generations of endogamous polygamy.
Moving on to CHRISTIANS, it seems that they for the most part don’t do door-to-door missionary work, and so we can take a guess that they prefer privacy in their homes. However, it’s a different story out in public. Christians can often be found spreading their faith around town, occasionally from elected government positions. We can gather from this that Christians value expressing their faith to the public, and so it follows that they would appreciate this behavior in members of other religions, specifically FSMism.
Take, for instance, a group of Christians on a downtown street corner some Friday night, respectfully protesting passing partygoers with helpful, nonjudgmental signs such as the party ends in hell and repent sinners: the party ends in hell. These messengers feel so strongly about sharing their interpretation of the Christian faith with strangers that they stand out in the cold for hours. Such open-minded, sharing people are ripe targets for an FSM conversion attempt.
We suggest emulating their behavior as much as possible. Make your own signs, but with our beliefs instead. Think of it as a