The Gospel of the Flying Spaghetti Monster - Bobby Henderson [41]
—Douglas Shaw, Ph.D.
“All points of view should be available to students studying the origins of mankind.” —Senator John McCain “[Evolution] is not a fact … .We’re dealing with censorship here. If we only taught Shakespeare in English class, that wouldn’t be fair.”
—Senator Chris Buttars
“At one time, I believed as the Aztecs did, that the universe was created by two gods, Quetzalcoatl and Tezcatlipoca, who attacked and ripped apart Hungry Woman to create the universe. Then I believed, as the Moriori do, that the universe was created when Papa and her husband Rangi hugged and bore children … .However, my views have been swayed by … the Flying Spaghetti Monster (FSM). I am firmly convinced that the evidence … has many of the trappings of science, and I therefore support the inclusion of FSM creation evidence in the Kansas science curriculum and standards.”
—Sebastian Wren, Ph.D.
“MMMMMmmmmm, spaghetti.” —H. Neville, Ph.D.
WHY YOU SHOULD CONVERT TO FLYING SPAGHETTI MONSTERISM
Flimsy moral standards.
Every Friday is a religious holiday.
Our Heaven is WAY better. We’ve got a Stripper Factory AND a Beer Volcano.
WE ARE ALL HIS CREATURES
How was the universe created?
What is the origin of species?
Why does empirical evidence seem to support theories like Evolution, gravity, and quantum mechanics?
Why has the earth seen an increase in global warming, earthquakes, hurricanes, and other natural disasters since the 1800s?
What’s with the full Pirate regalia?
Open up for the answers to these questions and more!
EXCERPTED FROM BOBBY HENDERSON’S OPEN LETTER TO THE KANSAS SCHOOL BOARD
I am writing to you with much concern after having read of your hearing to decide whether the alternative theory of Intelligent Design should be taught along with the theory of Evolution …
Let us remember that there are multiple theories of Intelligent Design. I and many others around the world are of the strong belief that the universe was created by a Flying Spaghetti Monster. It was He who created all that we seeand all that we feel. We feel strongly that the overwhelming scientific evidence pointing toward Evolutionary processes is nothing but a coincidence, put in place by Him.
It is for this reason that I’m writing to you today, to formally request that this alternative theory be taught in your schools, along with the other two theories. If the Intelligent Design theory is not based on faith but on another scientific theory, as is claimed, then you must also allow our theory to be taught, as it is also based on science, not on faith.
Some find that hard to believe, so it may be helpful to tell you a little more about our beliefs. We have evidence that a Flying Spaghetti Monster created the universe. None of us, of course, were around to see it, but we have written accounts of it. We have several lengthy volumes explaining all details of His power. Also, you may be surprised to hear that there are over ten million of us, and growing. We tend to be very secretive, as many people claim our beliefs are not substantiated by observable evidence. What these people don’t understand is that He built the world to make us think the earth is older than it really is. For example, a scientist may perform a carbon-dating process on an artifact. He finds that approximately 75 percent of the carbon-14 has decayed by electron emission to nitrogen-14, and infers that this artifact is approximately 10,000 years old, as the half-life of carbon-14 appears to be 5,730 years. But what our scientist does not realize is that every time he makes a measurement, the Flying Spaghetti Monster is there changing the results with His Noodly Appendage. We have numerous texts that describe in detail how this can be possible and the reasons why He does this. He is, of course, invisible and can pass through normal matter with ease.
I’m sure you now realize how important it is that your students are taught this alternate theory. It is absolutely imperative that they realize