The Gospel of the Flying Spaghetti Monster - Bobby Henderson [51]
The then-and-only-then operator:
The not-or-never operator:
The so-it-is term:
These three symbols are defined by the following relations, where x is an arbitrary variable of any dimension:
Additionally, some religiously important symbols have to be declared:
The god operator:
The enlightenment constant:
The religion symbol:
The faith symbol:
Now let the set of all major religions be defined as where stands for Atheism, for Flying Spaghetti Monster Church, for Buddhism, for Christianity for Islam, and for Hinduism.
Simple vector algebra helps define the logical religion equations where n N:
The interpretation of n is not as easy as one may expect. It represents the amount of believed influence of god in everyday life. In Hinduism, two terms containing n are present because of the great number of gods in which they believe. The FSM Church has one n factor because its god is still alive. The other elements of either have a dead messiah or no god at all.
As you may have noticed, a god difference (“delta god”) is present, which can of course be calculated by summation of all god factors:
This outstanding quadratic equation will be solved later in this paper.
In general, the faith symbol is defined to be the sum of god’s influence on earth:
… Conservation of faith
LEMMA: All elements of show a profound conservation of faith. This is similar to the conservation of energy in physics.
Sometimes, someone ministers an ecumenical church service. In this case, the god difference is zero. A little historical excursus leads us to Ecumenes, who was the first to prove this important equation. Ecumenes fulfilled all criteria of a human being except the criterion of existence. What a pity. This important equation also allows solving the quadratic equation mentioned earlier:
LEMMA: Solving the first principle of Ecumenes leads to introducing the complex numbers into FSM Theologebra.
The next issue illustrates how useful mathematical methods applied to nonalgebraic subjects can be. In general, the gradient results in the direction of a multidimensional structure. Assuming that god is a multidimensional structure, the divergence of god, written , represents god’s will. Applying our extended Boolean structure on the Nabla symbol, we can define it as the derivation after && (then-and-only-then) and (not-or-never) and insert the god operator:
A different philosophical approach to this topic brings us closer to the question: “What does God really want?” This is very easy to answer. God wants faith to arise with greater influence and he wants himself to arise with greater influence. This results in a second equation for god’s will:
In words: “God’s will is the Church of the Flying Spaghetti God.” Inserting this result into the earlier result for god’s will implies
Spoken: “Church of the Flying Spaghetti God—so it is.”
Pirates and Faith
Alexis Drummond
It has been a sad fact to Pastafarians globally that Piracy is on the decline. This displeases our Noodly Lord, the Flying Spaghetti Monster, and He has shown His discontent by showering us with more and more natural disasters. This past year alone shows just how much we have incurred His wrath, from tsunamis and hurricanes and earthquakes, not to mention the ever-worrisome dilemma of global warming. But to those who are not well-versed in FSMism, it must seem a puzzle why our merciful and great Noodly Lord should choose Pirates as His shepherds.
To answer this question, we must look back to days when these noble swashbucklers roamed the high seas. Pirates were a superstitious bunch, and tales abound as to the creatures they encountered. One famous example is the myth that upon encountering manatees, Pirates mistook them to be mermaids. In reality our holy texts show undeniable evidence that mermaids are in fact real, but the Flying Spaghetti Monster, in His infinite Noodly wisdom, has hidden them from us to express His growing ire. But I digress.
More important, one myth made especially famous by Twenty Thousand Leagues under the Sea