The Gospel of the Flying Spaghetti Monster - Bobby Henderson [59]
Einstein’s equation E = MC2 can also be substituted into the above equation.
It’s obvious that both the FCC and the SEC exist—just ask Howard Stern and Martha Stewart—government agencies that seek to control things, much like the Noodly Master. What most people don’t know is that FSE/CC is Federation of Swaziland Employers and Chamber of Commerce. The king of Swaziland recently picked a new wife by having thirty thousand women walk topless in front of him. This is obviously because he is a devout follower of the Flying Spaghetti Monster and, knowing about the Stripper Factory in Heaven, wanted to create Heaven on earth.
Thus, since we have shown that MASM, FCC, SEC, and FSE/CC all exist, we have proven that FSM 0 and the Flying Spaghetti Monster exists.
A Corporate Proof of the Flying Spaghetti Monster
Scott Stoddard
I just celebrated my one-year anniversary with my current employer. Actually, I completely forgot, but they did not. I received a very nice, but god-awful useless, sterling-silver key chain with the company logo. It’s nice to be appreciated. It also got me thinking.
If everything on earth is God’s handiwork, then He really is the worst kind of micromanager. I don’t want to believe that.
Let’s assume that God exists. Can’t prove it. Can’t disprove it. Doesn’t hurt to think that there is an all powerful deity with a corner office somewhere out there in the cosmos.
Now, THE UNIVERSE is a pretty big place. It probably isn’t a privately held company. I’d be willing to bet that THE UNIVERSE incorporated years ago. In a business model, God would be the CEO.
That would make God accountable to the Board of Directors of THE UNIVERSE, INC.
Who makes up this board? What are their terms of office? And for that matter, would we, as residents of THE EARTH, be considered stockholders or employees of the corporation? Let’s assume employees. I know I’ve never received any dividends or letters of proxy.
I think that everyone would agree that THE EARTH is a dangerous place. Humanity is continually trying to destroy itself. Throw in a bitchy Mother Nature with her tsunamis, earthquakes, and hurricanes, and you have what any businessman would call a high-risk venture.
So now, the main question is this:
Would God, the CEO of THE UNIVERSE, INC., take a hands-on approach to the creation and management of THE EARTH?
I think not.
God, being the smart CEO we all know he is, would most likely have handed the project off to a Vice President for Strategic Development of THE UNIVERSE, INC. This would, of course, limit God’s liability to the Board of Directors of THE UNIVERSE, INC.
In turn the VP, not wanting to be immersed in a corporate scandal should anything go wrong, probably had Accounting form a shell corporation called THE EARTH, INC., and promoted some hot-shot middle manager to oversee the whole thing. I believe that the Flying Spaghetti Monster is this manager.
The FSM, wanting to spread the wealth, brings over some of his buddies, who might be great guys to go drinking with, but who really aren’t suited for managing an entire planet. This would explain famine, disease, suffering, and stupidity—corporate cronyism at its worst.
Don’t you think this theory of Intelligent Design just fits together a little more soundly than God Himself creating THE EARTH, INC.?
If we make it to another millennium without folding, do we all get silver key chains?
A Final Note from Bobby Henderson and His Staff
DEAR NEWLY CONVERTED READER,
I think it’s safe to say that FSMism is not only a groundbreaking religion but the only one supported by hard science. This makes it probably the most unquestionably true theory ever put forth in the history of humankind. And yet we find doubters and naysayers galore, mostly in the form of Evolutionists, ID supporters, and members of other religions. But we live in America, a country founded on, among other things, the idea of religious freedom. We have laws to protect people against religious persecution.
In spite of these laws, you may encounter people