The Nerdist Way_ How to Reach the Next Level (In Real Life) - Chris Hardwick [59]
FREESTANDING SQUATS
■ Place your feet slightly farther apart than shoulder width.
■ Keep your lower back straight.
■ Hold your hands straight out in front of you, straight to your sides, or on your hips (the latter being the easiest).
■ Bend your knees and drop your butt bulbs toward your heels until you are squatting while being mindful not to crap on the floor.
■ Make sure your knees don’t go out over your toes on the bend, as this will put undue stress on your knees.
» It is FAR better to go only halfway down than to push too far forward.
» NEVER put stress on one area of your body while targeting another.
» ALWAYS err on the side of caution.
» Outline subheadings are COOL.
■ DO 2 SETS OF 15–20 REPS.
STATIONARY LUNGES
■ Stand with one leg in front and the other leg back and up onto your foot’s balls.
■ Keep your back straight, your eyes forward, and your hands on your hips.
■ Lower into a lunge, but don’t let your front knee go past your damn toes!!!
■ DO 2 SETS OF 15–20 REPS (swap leg positions between sets).
IMPORTANT POINTS!
■ Posture and proper alignment are most important to ensure good technique and best results.
■ Overtraining without enough recovery time will lead to injury. :( ← frowny
■ Vary order and type of cardio, weight resistance, and interval training to shock your muscles.
■ Go slowly and always check in with your body.
■ STRETCH.
NUTRITIONY BUSINESS!
I’m not going to go SUPER in-depth on nutrition, because there are books written by professionals that will do exactly that. If you’re Gwyneth Paltrow, you would just hire nine kinds of nutritionists. Also, if you’re Gwyneth Paltrow and you’re reading my book, YOU ARE A SUPERLATIVE MILF. If you had a walrus moustache, you’d be Milford Brimley.
Instead of really specific dietary instructions and recipes, here are the nutrition highlights that Trainer Tom shared with me when I first asked, “What should I be putting into my food hole?” so many years ago. He provided the bullet points, I added the explanations:
(Yet another DISCLAIMER: Do at your own risk; please don’t sue me; I think you’re nice; bladdity bloo.)
NUTRITION HIGHLIGHTS
■ Eat four or five small meals a day.
Eating throughout the day keeps your metabolism running smoothly. Think of your body like an old choo choo. Some poor son of a bitch (a stoker) had to shovel coal into the firebox to heat the water tubes to produce steam. If he shoveled too little, the water would cool and the train would slow down and eventually stop. If he shoveled too much, he could smother the fire to the same result. Steady, consistent fueling keeps a train going! You’re the train, and food is the coal. And since we’re being other things, I’m a bird! A pretty, pretty bird!
■ Go no longer than three or four hours between meals.
It’s not only important to eat throughout the day to keep your metabolism going, but if you wait too long to eat you are going to want to stuff as much bad junk into your drooling mouth as possible. Your body’s fuel supply is down, and it’s looking to stoke it as quickly as possible, and it reasons that pizza will do that as quickly as possible. If you’re eating right, you won’t really have cravings for healthy food. In fact, if you do crave something over and over again, you might actually be allergic to it. WTF, Body??
■ Water, water, and water.
While there’s no exact answer as to how much you should drink, the Mayo Clinic suggests the “8 x 8 rule” for regular folks: 8 ounces of water 8 times a day. A good thing to keep in mind for me was to make water my main drink, my go-to. Keep an eye on your pee (but not IN your pee). Healthy pee should be relatively clear. Bright yellow pee means you need more water (unless you are taking vitamins, in which case, your pee looks electric).
Don’t make yourself sick drinking water, as overhydration, or water toxicity, really is dangerous. Look that shit up if you don’t believe me!
■ Reduce or eliminate salt and sugar.
Salt (NaCl, sodium chloride) makes you retain water. If you feel