The New Eve - Lewis Robert [67]
9. Never assume his job is not your business. A man wants to marry a woman who will nourish his life vision. You should have a good hands-on knowledge of what your husband does and appreciate the pressures he faces. Interact with him when he needs to talk about his work. Problem solve with him when you can. Pray for him and let him know it. Be his career partner.
10. Never fall more in love with your kids than with your husband. That's easy to do as the years go by. I call it “the great swap.” You get caught up in all the things the kids are doing, often seeing more of them than you do your husband. What you don't notice is the growing distance developing between you and the man you vowed years ago to give your life to.
Then comes the day when the house is empty of children. They're gone. But so is the closeness between you and your husband. You're alone with a stranger. Don't let that happen. Keep developing new ways to enjoy each other even while the kids are home. Take regular getaways without the children throughout your marriage to renew and refresh your relationship. Keep finding new ways to connect and enjoy life together. And when that day comes when the last kid moves out, you'll be able to turn to your husband and say, “At last! Let the good times roll!”
Conclusion
Much of the happiness a woman will achieve in this life will be in direct proportion to how well she engages the man in her life. As I pointed out in the beginning of the chapter, flying by sight with a man isn't going to be good enough to get you where you want to go. Every woman needs something more to be successful with a man. The New Eve knows this something more is wisdom. Sound wisdom. Biblical wisdom. It's this instrument, not her instincts, that guides and empowers her relationship with her man.
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The Best Marriages—The Happiest Wives
Sherard and I were married three days after Christmas in 1971. Ever since, remembering Jesus' coming to earth and at the same time marking our wedding anniversary make for an extended time of celebration with family and friends. We like it that way. There's love in every direction.
This past Christmas Sherard and I marked thirty-five years of marriage. Perhaps in light of this special milestone, I became a bit more reflective. I vividly remember our wedding ceremony and that moment when we raced to my car through a hail of rice to drive away as husband and wife and begin our new life together. I also remember thinking that day how thankful I was that I had a game plan for my marriage.
My parents lacked that in their marriage and for this reason they really struggled at times. What I saw in their relationship was not something I wanted repeated in mine. The opportunity for something different began when I was introduced to Jesus as a freshman in college. A few years later, while seriously pursuing Sherard, Christian friends invited us to study marriage from a biblical perspective. Looking back, I'm glad to say that much of what I received then was accurate, balanced, and extremely practical. One statement I held on to during that instruction was my teacher's comments about Jesus' words in John 10:10: “I came that they may have life, and have it abundantly.” After reading this verse, my teacher made the following remark: “Jesus' main reason for coming to earth was to give you a life better than any you can create for yourself. And that applies to your marriage too.”
A better marriage is certainly what I wanted. Sherard too. So in the months leading up to our wedding day, we committed ourselves in faith to the biblical blueprints for a Christian marriage.
Marriage by the Book
What is God's design for marriage? And is it really better than the alternatives? Let's address the first question by looking into the Scriptures, and the second by looking at modern social research.
The biblical outline for marriage is relatively simple. We could sum it up this way:
God the Father is the Lord of marriage, charging the husband and the wife with specific callings