The Riddle of Gender - Deborah Rudacille [107]
MARIANNE: And so much of life is organized around it that whatever else may be up for revaluation, by God, not the M and the F. So many things are constructed on that, it’s sort of like if you change that, talk about changing your center of gravity, it really confuses everything.
KENNARD: And a lot people won’t allow you to change. Some people—it doesn’t matter what I tell them, I’m not a man [in their eyes]. I never tell people what my name used to be, for example, because that is like the kiss of death. If I tell someone that I’m transgen-dered, I’m all of a sudden “she.” They never get over it.
MARIANNE: And they never would have thought that, when they’re meeting him. They’re like, “Oh, I would never have known.” But I think that the other thing that can get oversimplified in the queer community is that straight people have complicated gender identities too. There are some men born in male bodies who have spent their whole lives as males who are also trying to figure out what it means to be a man. And trying to negotiate not wanting to automatically fall into certain roles.
Q: We all need to negotiate gender every day of our lives.
MARIANNE: Yes. And if you are a woman and you want to be with women, that’s perceived as a gender-transgression thing. That’s the point that we’re trying to make. That’s why we’re all in this community. That’s why LGBT and intersexed people should be in this community together. It’s a gender thing; it’s not just sexual orientation. The first thing that people want to know about you: “Who do you sleep with?” Once they get “Oh, he’s a transman,” it’s “Who do you sleep with?” And then “What bathroom do you use?”
KENNARD: Yeah, that’s my favorite question, when they ask me what bathroom I use. Sometimes I get a little short. If a woman asks, [feigns concern] “Do you want me to go in the women’s bathroom with you?” I’m like, “Come on. Are you crazy? What do you mean ‘what bathroom do I use?’”
MARIANNE: But I actually do understand that question, because it’s so core. Those details of daily life. If you get so far as to say, “Okay let’s just pretend that I get to be this guy, where would I go to the bathroom?” Especially when things are organized on that binary gender line … you are transgressing a big rule.
Q: Maybe we should just have unisex bathrooms.
KENNARD: But that was one of the things that shot down the ERA, don’t you remember? People get really weirded out about the issue of bathrooms!
When I finally decided to go through this transition, the thing that really got it for me was that I worked for this bank and had a membership for a health club. So I always wore shirts and ties to work, and then I go to the health club and you have to tell them your name. Okay, I had this female name. Okay, I have to go into the women’s locker room. It sent me right back to high school. It was one of the most traumatic things that ever happened to me. There were these nude women in there, and I was like this. [Mimes shielding his eyes and slinking by I was not looking. The staff person was like, “And here we have the sauna,” and I’m like, “Okay, all right.” I just felt like I can’t go and be in women’s locker rooms anymore. And it was right after that I said, “Okay, I’m taking hormones” and transitioned. So now I have the other problem. I can’t go into the men’s locker room and get naked.
MARIANNE: There is a certain amount of privilege in walking around the world in a body that fits who you feel like you are. Not just with gender, but with all kinds of things. Not having that privilege makes negotiating the things that are usually much harder.
KENNARD: Another problem for us is health care. I had gone through menopause at about thirty-seven. And I went to the doctor, and I said, “I think I’m going through menopause,” and he said, “No, you’re too young,” and I said, “No, I don’t think so.” So he does the hormone test, and says, “You are.” And he wants me to take estrogen! Then, when I started on testosterone, I had really bad problems with cramps. So when I