The School For Scandal [25]
to that picture.
CHARLES. I'm sorry for't, for you certainly will not have it.
Oons, haven't you got enough of them?
SIR OLIVER. [Aside.] I forgive him everything!--[Aloud.] But,
Sir, when I take a whim in my head, I don't value money. I'll
give you as much for that as for all the rest.
CHARLES. Don't tease me, master broker; I tell you I'll not part
with it, and there's an end of it.
SIR OLIVER. [Aside.] How like his father the dog is.-- [Aloud.]
Well, well, I have done.-- [Aside.] I did not perceive it before,
but I think I never saw such a striking resemblance.-- [Aloud.]
Here is a draught for your sum.
CHARLES. Why, 'tis for eight hundred pounds!
SIR OLIVER. You will not let Sir Oliver go?
CHARLES. Zounds! no! I tell you, once more.
SIR OLIVER. Then never mind the difference, we'll balance that
another time. But give me your hand on the bargain; you are an
honest fellow, Charles--I beg pardon, sir, for being so free.--
Come, Moses.
CHARLES. Egad, this is a whimsical old fellow!--But hark'ee,
Premium, you'll prepare lodgings for these gentlemen.
SIR OLIVER. Yes, yes, I'll send for them in a day or two.
CHARLES. But, hold; do now send a genteel conveyance for them,
for, I assure you, they were most of them used to ride in their
own carriages.
SIR OLIVER. I will, I will--for all but Oliver.
CHARLES. Ay, all but the little nabob.
SIR OLIVER. You're fixed on that?
CHARLES. Peremptorily.
SIR OLIVER. [Aside.] A dear extravagant rogue!--[Aloud.] Good day!
Come, Moses.--[Aside.] Let me hear now who dares call him profligate!
[Exit with MOSES.]
CARELESS. Why, this is the oddest genius of the sort I ever met with!
CHARLES. Egad, he's the prince of brokers, I think. I wonder how
the devil Moses got acquainted with so honest a fellow.--Ha! here's
Rowley.--Do, Careless, say I'll join the company in a few moments.
CARELESS. I will--but don't let that old blockhead persuade you
to squander any of that money on old musty debts, or any such
nonsense; for tradesmen, Charles, are the most exorbitant fellows.
CHARLES. Very true, and paying them is only encouraging them.
CARELESS. Nothing else.
CHARLES. Ay, ay, never fear.--
[Exit CARELESS.]
So! this was an odd old fellow, indeed. Let me see, two-thirds
of these five hundred and thirty odd pounds are mine by right.
Fore Heaven! I find one's ancestors are more valuable relations
than I took them for!--Ladies and gentlemen, your most obedient
and very grateful servant.
[Bows ceremoniously to the pictures.]
Enter ROWLEY
Ha! old Rowley! egad, you are just come in time to take leave
of your old acquaintance.
ROWLEY. Yes, I heard they were a-going. But I wonder you can
have such spirits under so many distresses.
CHARLES. Why, there's the point! my distresses are so many, that
I can't affort to part with my spirits; but I shall be rich and
splenetic, all in good time. However, I suppose you are surprised
that I am not more sorrowful at parting with so many near relations;
to be sure, 'tis very affecting; but you see they never move a muscle,
so why should I?
ROWLEY. There's no making you serious a moment.
CHARLES. Yes, faith, I am so now. Here, my honest Rowley, here,
get me this changed directly, and take a hundred pounds of it
immediately to old Stanley.
ROWLEY. A hundred pounds! Consider only----
CHARLES. Gad's life, don't talk about it! poor Stanley's wants
are pressing, and, if you don't make haste, we shall have some one
call that has a better right to the money.
ROWLEY. Ah! there's the point! I never will cease dunning you
with the old proverb----
CHARLES. BE JUST BEFORE YOU'RE GENEROUS.--Why, so I would if I could;
but Justice is an old hobbling beldame, and I can't get her to keep
pace with Generosity, for the soul of me.
ROWLEY. Yet, Charles, believe me, one hour's reflection----
CHARLES. Ay, ay, it's very true; but, hark'ee, Rowley, while I have,
by Heaven I'll give; so, damn your
CHARLES. I'm sorry for't, for you certainly will not have it.
Oons, haven't you got enough of them?
SIR OLIVER. [Aside.] I forgive him everything!--[Aloud.] But,
Sir, when I take a whim in my head, I don't value money. I'll
give you as much for that as for all the rest.
CHARLES. Don't tease me, master broker; I tell you I'll not part
with it, and there's an end of it.
SIR OLIVER. [Aside.] How like his father the dog is.-- [Aloud.]
Well, well, I have done.-- [Aside.] I did not perceive it before,
but I think I never saw such a striking resemblance.-- [Aloud.]
Here is a draught for your sum.
CHARLES. Why, 'tis for eight hundred pounds!
SIR OLIVER. You will not let Sir Oliver go?
CHARLES. Zounds! no! I tell you, once more.
SIR OLIVER. Then never mind the difference, we'll balance that
another time. But give me your hand on the bargain; you are an
honest fellow, Charles--I beg pardon, sir, for being so free.--
Come, Moses.
CHARLES. Egad, this is a whimsical old fellow!--But hark'ee,
Premium, you'll prepare lodgings for these gentlemen.
SIR OLIVER. Yes, yes, I'll send for them in a day or two.
CHARLES. But, hold; do now send a genteel conveyance for them,
for, I assure you, they were most of them used to ride in their
own carriages.
SIR OLIVER. I will, I will--for all but Oliver.
CHARLES. Ay, all but the little nabob.
SIR OLIVER. You're fixed on that?
CHARLES. Peremptorily.
SIR OLIVER. [Aside.] A dear extravagant rogue!--[Aloud.] Good day!
Come, Moses.--[Aside.] Let me hear now who dares call him profligate!
[Exit with MOSES.]
CARELESS. Why, this is the oddest genius of the sort I ever met with!
CHARLES. Egad, he's the prince of brokers, I think. I wonder how
the devil Moses got acquainted with so honest a fellow.--Ha! here's
Rowley.--Do, Careless, say I'll join the company in a few moments.
CARELESS. I will--but don't let that old blockhead persuade you
to squander any of that money on old musty debts, or any such
nonsense; for tradesmen, Charles, are the most exorbitant fellows.
CHARLES. Very true, and paying them is only encouraging them.
CARELESS. Nothing else.
CHARLES. Ay, ay, never fear.--
[Exit CARELESS.]
So! this was an odd old fellow, indeed. Let me see, two-thirds
of these five hundred and thirty odd pounds are mine by right.
Fore Heaven! I find one's ancestors are more valuable relations
than I took them for!--Ladies and gentlemen, your most obedient
and very grateful servant.
[Bows ceremoniously to the pictures.]
Enter ROWLEY
Ha! old Rowley! egad, you are just come in time to take leave
of your old acquaintance.
ROWLEY. Yes, I heard they were a-going. But I wonder you can
have such spirits under so many distresses.
CHARLES. Why, there's the point! my distresses are so many, that
I can't affort to part with my spirits; but I shall be rich and
splenetic, all in good time. However, I suppose you are surprised
that I am not more sorrowful at parting with so many near relations;
to be sure, 'tis very affecting; but you see they never move a muscle,
so why should I?
ROWLEY. There's no making you serious a moment.
CHARLES. Yes, faith, I am so now. Here, my honest Rowley, here,
get me this changed directly, and take a hundred pounds of it
immediately to old Stanley.
ROWLEY. A hundred pounds! Consider only----
CHARLES. Gad's life, don't talk about it! poor Stanley's wants
are pressing, and, if you don't make haste, we shall have some one
call that has a better right to the money.
ROWLEY. Ah! there's the point! I never will cease dunning you
with the old proverb----
CHARLES. BE JUST BEFORE YOU'RE GENEROUS.--Why, so I would if I could;
but Justice is an old hobbling beldame, and I can't get her to keep
pace with Generosity, for the soul of me.
ROWLEY. Yet, Charles, believe me, one hour's reflection----
CHARLES. Ay, ay, it's very true; but, hark'ee, Rowley, while I have,
by Heaven I'll give; so, damn your