The School For Scandal [27]
SURFACE. O for her Fortune--nothing else--
LADY TEAZLE. I believe so for tho' she is certainly very pretty--
yet she has no conversation in the world--and is so grave and
reserved--that I declare I think she'd have made an excellent wife
for Sir Peter.--
SURFACE. So she would.
LADY TEAZLE. Then--one never hears her speak ill of anybody--which
you know is mighty dull--
SURFACE. Yet she doesn't want understanding--
LADY TEAZLE. No more she does--yet one is always disapointed when
one hears [her] speak--For though her Eyes have no kind of meaning
in them--she very seldom talks Nonsense.
SURFACE. Nay--nay surely--she has very fine eyes--
LADY TEAZLE. Why so she has--tho' sometimes one fancies there's
a little sort of a squint--
SURFACE. A squint--O fie--Lady Teazle.
LADY TEAZLE. Yes yes--I vow now--come there is a left-handed Cupid
in one eye--that's the Truth on't.
SURFACE. Well--his aim is very direct however--but Lady Sneerwell
has quite corrupted you.
LADY TEAZLE. No indeed--I have not opinion enough of her to be taught
by her, and I know that she has lately rais'd many scandalous hints of
me--which you know one always hears from one common Friend, or other.
SURFACE. Why to say truth I believe you are not more obliged to her
than others of her acquaintance.
LADY TEAZLE. But isn't [it] provoking to hear the most ill-natured
Things said to one and there's my friend Lady Sneerwell has circulated
I don't know how many scandalous tales of me, and all without
any foundation, too; that's what vexes me.
SURFACE. Aye Madam to be sure that is the Provoking circumstance--
without Foundation--yes yes--there's the mortification indeed--
for when a slanderous story is believed against one--there certainly
is no comfort like the consciousness of having deserved it----
LADY TEAZLE. No to be sure--then I'd forgive their malice--
but to attack me, who am really so innocent--and who never say
an ill-natured thing of anybody--that is, of any Friend--!
and then Sir Peter too--to have him so peevish--and so suspicious--
when I know the integrity of my own Heart--indeed 'tis monstrous.
SURFACE. But my dear Lady Teazle 'tis your own fault if you suffer
it--when a Husband entertains a groundless suspicion of his Wife and
withdraws his confidence from her--the original compact is broke and
she owes it to the Honour of her sex to endeavour to outwit him--
LADY TEAZLE. Indeed--So that if He suspects me without cause
it follows that the best way of curing his jealousy is to give him
reason for't--
SURFACE. Undoubtedly--for your Husband [should] never be deceived
in you--and in that case it becomes you to be frail in compliment
to his discernment--
LADY TEAZLE. To be sure what you say is very reasonable--and when
the consciousness of my own Innocence----
SURFACE. Ah: my dear--Madam there is the great mistake--'tis this
very conscious Innocence that is of the greatest Prejudice to you--
what is it makes you negligent of Forms and careless of the world's
opinion--why the consciousness of your Innocence--what makes you
thoughtless in your Conduct and apt to run into a thousand little
imprudences--why the consciousness of your Innocence--what makes you
impatient of Sir Peter's temper, and outrageous at his suspicions--
why the consciousness of your own Innocence--
LADY TEAZLE. 'Tis very true.
SURFACE. Now my dear Lady Teazle if you but once make a trifling
Faux Pas you can't conceive how cautious you would grow, and how
ready to humour and agree with your Husband.
LADY TEAZLE. Do you think so--
SURFACE. O I'm sure on't; and then you'd find all scandal would
cease at once--for in short your Character at Present is like
a Person in a Plethora, absolutely dying of too much Health--
LADY TEAZLE. So--so--then I perceive your Prescription is that
I must sin in my own Defence--and part with my virtue to preserve
my Reputation.--
SURFACE. Exactly so upon my credit Ma'am[.]
LADY TEAZLE. Well certainly this is