The School For Scandal [40]
either--
Sir Peter do you know the Rogue bargain'd with me for all his
Ancestors--sold me judges and Generals by the Foot, and Maiden Aunts
as cheap as broken China!
CHARLES. To be sure, Sir Oliver, I did make a little free with
the Family Canvas that's the truth on't:--my Ancestors may certainly
rise in judgment against me there's no denying it--but believe me
sincere when I tell you, and upon my soul I would not say so if I was
not--that if I do not appear mortified at the exposure of my Follies,
it is because I feel at this moment the warmest satisfaction in seeing
you, my liberal benefactor.
SIR OLIVER. Charles--I believe you--give me your hand again:
the ill-looking little fellow over the Couch has made your Peace.
CHARLES. Then Sir--my Gratitude to the original is still encreased.
LADY TEAZLE. [Advancing.] Yet I believe, Sir Oliver, here is one
whom Charles is still more anxious to be reconciled to.
SIR OLIVER. O I have heard of his Attachment there--and, with the
young Lady's Pardon if I construe right that Blush----
SIR PETER. Well--Child--speak your sentiments--you know--we are
going to be reconciled to Charles--
MARIA. Sir--I have little to say--but that I shall rejoice to hear
that He is happy--For me--whatever claim I had to his Affection--
I willing resign to one who has a better title.
CHARLES. How Maria!
SIR PETER. Heyday--what's the mystery now? while he appeared
an incorrigible Rake, you would give your hand to no one else
and now that He's likely to reform I'll warrant You won't have him!
MARIA. His own Heart--and Lady Sneerwell know the cause.
[CHARLES.] Lady Sneerwell!
SURFACE. Brother it is with great concern--I am obliged
to speak on this Point, but my Regard to justice obliges me--
and Lady Sneerwell's injuries can no longer--be concealed--
[Goes to the Door.]
Enter LADY SNEERWELL
SIR PETER. Soh! another French milliner egad! He has one
in every Room in the House I suppose--
LADY SNEERWELL. Ungrateful Charles! Well may you be surprised and
feel for the indelicate situation which your Perfidy has forced me
into.
CHARLES. Pray Unkle, is this another Plot of yours? for as I have
Life I don't understand it.
SURFACE. I believe Sir there is but the evidence of one Person
more necessary to make it extremely clear.
SIR PETER. And that Person--I imagine, is Mr. Snake--Rowley--you
were perfectly right to bring him with us--and pray let him appear.
ROWLEY. Walk in, Mr. Snake--
Enter SNAKE
I thought his Testimony might be wanted--however it happens unluckily
that He comes to confront Lady Sneerwell and not to support her--
LADY SNEERWELL. A Villain!--Treacherous to me at last! Speak,
Fellow, have you too conspired against me?
SNAKE. I beg your Ladyship--ten thousand Pardons--you paid me
extremely Liberally for the Lie in question--but I unfortunately
have been offer'd double to speak the Truth.
LADY SNEERWELL. The Torments of Shame and Disappointment on you all!
LADY TEAZLE. Hold--Lady Sneerwell--before you go let me thank you
for the trouble you and that Gentleman have taken in writing Letters
from me to Charles and answering them yourself--and let me also
request you to make my Respects to the Scandalous College--of which
you are President--and inform them that Lady Teazle, Licentiate,
begs leave to return the diploma they granted her--as she leaves of[f]
Practice and kills Characters no longer.
LADY SNEERWELL. Provoking--insolent!--may your Husband live these
fifty years!
[Exit.]
SIR PETER. Oons what a Fury----
LADY TEAZLE. A malicious Creature indeed!
SIR PETER. Hey--not for her last wish?--
LADY TEAZLE. O No--
SIR OLIVER. Well Sir, and what have you to say now?
SURFACE. Sir, I am so confounded, to find that Lady Sneerwell could
be guilty of suborning Mr. Snake in this manner to impose on us
all that I know not what to say----however, lest her Revengeful
Spirit should prompt her to injure my Brother I had certainly better
follow
Sir Peter do you know the Rogue bargain'd with me for all his
Ancestors--sold me judges and Generals by the Foot, and Maiden Aunts
as cheap as broken China!
CHARLES. To be sure, Sir Oliver, I did make a little free with
the Family Canvas that's the truth on't:--my Ancestors may certainly
rise in judgment against me there's no denying it--but believe me
sincere when I tell you, and upon my soul I would not say so if I was
not--that if I do not appear mortified at the exposure of my Follies,
it is because I feel at this moment the warmest satisfaction in seeing
you, my liberal benefactor.
SIR OLIVER. Charles--I believe you--give me your hand again:
the ill-looking little fellow over the Couch has made your Peace.
CHARLES. Then Sir--my Gratitude to the original is still encreased.
LADY TEAZLE. [Advancing.] Yet I believe, Sir Oliver, here is one
whom Charles is still more anxious to be reconciled to.
SIR OLIVER. O I have heard of his Attachment there--and, with the
young Lady's Pardon if I construe right that Blush----
SIR PETER. Well--Child--speak your sentiments--you know--we are
going to be reconciled to Charles--
MARIA. Sir--I have little to say--but that I shall rejoice to hear
that He is happy--For me--whatever claim I had to his Affection--
I willing resign to one who has a better title.
CHARLES. How Maria!
SIR PETER. Heyday--what's the mystery now? while he appeared
an incorrigible Rake, you would give your hand to no one else
and now that He's likely to reform I'll warrant You won't have him!
MARIA. His own Heart--and Lady Sneerwell know the cause.
[CHARLES.] Lady Sneerwell!
SURFACE. Brother it is with great concern--I am obliged
to speak on this Point, but my Regard to justice obliges me--
and Lady Sneerwell's injuries can no longer--be concealed--
[Goes to the Door.]
Enter LADY SNEERWELL
SIR PETER. Soh! another French milliner egad! He has one
in every Room in the House I suppose--
LADY SNEERWELL. Ungrateful Charles! Well may you be surprised and
feel for the indelicate situation which your Perfidy has forced me
into.
CHARLES. Pray Unkle, is this another Plot of yours? for as I have
Life I don't understand it.
SURFACE. I believe Sir there is but the evidence of one Person
more necessary to make it extremely clear.
SIR PETER. And that Person--I imagine, is Mr. Snake--Rowley--you
were perfectly right to bring him with us--and pray let him appear.
ROWLEY. Walk in, Mr. Snake--
Enter SNAKE
I thought his Testimony might be wanted--however it happens unluckily
that He comes to confront Lady Sneerwell and not to support her--
LADY SNEERWELL. A Villain!--Treacherous to me at last! Speak,
Fellow, have you too conspired against me?
SNAKE. I beg your Ladyship--ten thousand Pardons--you paid me
extremely Liberally for the Lie in question--but I unfortunately
have been offer'd double to speak the Truth.
LADY SNEERWELL. The Torments of Shame and Disappointment on you all!
LADY TEAZLE. Hold--Lady Sneerwell--before you go let me thank you
for the trouble you and that Gentleman have taken in writing Letters
from me to Charles and answering them yourself--and let me also
request you to make my Respects to the Scandalous College--of which
you are President--and inform them that Lady Teazle, Licentiate,
begs leave to return the diploma they granted her--as she leaves of[f]
Practice and kills Characters no longer.
LADY SNEERWELL. Provoking--insolent!--may your Husband live these
fifty years!
[Exit.]
SIR PETER. Oons what a Fury----
LADY TEAZLE. A malicious Creature indeed!
SIR PETER. Hey--not for her last wish?--
LADY TEAZLE. O No--
SIR OLIVER. Well Sir, and what have you to say now?
SURFACE. Sir, I am so confounded, to find that Lady Sneerwell could
be guilty of suborning Mr. Snake in this manner to impose on us
all that I know not what to say----however, lest her Revengeful
Spirit should prompt her to injure my Brother I had certainly better
follow