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Later in the night I stormed into his office looking for justice and found his cup of tea instead.

So I turned my back to the camera and pantomimed pulling out my Piccadilly. Then I took a squirt bottle (pun intended) out of my pocket and squeezed it into the cup, which on TV sounded like I was leaking in his Lipton. When Regal came back into his office and took a sip of the tea, he made comedic history with some of the most ridiculous facial expressions ever made. It made the urine-drinking cop’s face in Dumb and Dumber seem as funny as a Daniel Day Lewis movie.

The angle continued as I constantly outsmarted Regal with my immense babyface cunning. When a Legends Battle Royal was booked for WrestleMania, featuring such household names as Typhoon, Duke “the Dumpster” Droese, and Doink the Clown, Regal was doing an interview and was interrupted and attacked by Doink, who ended up being me in disguise.

I had just applied the intricate clown makeup and was waiting to do my run-in when Shawn Michaels walked past me, gave a double take, and walked back.

Shawn was one of my all-time favorites, and (along with Owen Hart and Ricky Steamboat) was my main inspiration to get into the wrestling business. I came to the WWE with the hope of working with him even though he was only with the company part-time at that point and still battling the demons that were holding him back in his life.

Shawn got in my clown face and gave me a Larry David– esque suspicious stare, and I noticed he was pretty wasted.

“What’s going on, Chris?” he said, his eyelids drooping and his speech slurring. “Are you doing the Doink gimmick now?”

“No, I’m just doing it for tonight. I’m ambushing Regal.”

“So you’re gonna be Doink now?”

“No, no. I’m just doing it for one night as a way to surprise Regal.”

“But why do you have to be Doink?” he asked again, slowly swaying back and forth.

“But I’m not Doink, Shawn. It’s just for tonight.”

“But why would they make you Doink?”

I felt like Abbott and Costello, except instead of Who’s on First, the routine was Who’s on Drugs, and it wasn’t me.

“I’m not Doink. It’s just an angle for tonight.”

Shawn shook his head and waltzed away. “I don’t like it, they should never have made you Doink.”

He passed out in Vince’s office later that night and was fired. Shawn eventually cleaned himself up and came back to the WWE better than ever a few years later. When he did, I finally got the chance to work with him and had one of the best matches of my career.

Wait for it, guys … wait for it.

Regal and I opened the show at WrestleMania X-Seven. The match wasn’t bad, but I think it could’ve been so much more. My biggest problem with it was the lack of time we were given. Mania took place in the Houston Astrodome, and the walkway to the ring was so long that by the time we got out there we had about seven minutes for the entire match. We did our best but it was rushed and we were off on certain spots. Even though I won, in my mind I was 0– 2 in my Mania performances.

Later on at the after-show party, Vince complimented me on the match and told me how much he liked it, but I wasn’t buying it. I was feeling pretty down on myself and knew I could do better.

Once again, the feud with Stephanie came to the rescue and was taking on a life of its own. The fans were eating it up because there was this great chemistry between the bitchy, spoiled billion-dollar princess and the sharp-tongued rock star who couldn’t be outwitted. That was the unique quality about the Y2J character that helped me connect with the fans—I would say things that nobody else could. It didn’t make a difference who I was talking to: another wrestler, the boss, or even the boss’s daughter.

(Chauvinistic Author’s Note: Isn’t it ironic—like a free ride when you’ve already paid—that one female almost killed my career while another one wholly revitalized it?)

I tore poor Steph apart with my insults, and watching my verbal attacks on her is like watching an episode of All in the