Vixen Manual - Karrine Steffans [1]
Ironically, a lot of the information in this book comes from my very own trial and error. It is rare that we learn from people’s perfect achievements and more common that we learn from one another’s mistakes. In putting together the sections in The Vixen Manual, I often referred back to my own misgivings, misjudgments, and ill-fated maneuvers. I thought of all the advice I’d heard but not listened to from my elders, women and men who knew more of life and love than I, and in the midst of organizing the book’s pages I took heed to it all and finally applied it to my life.
As I continued penning this manual, however, I could imagine the sneers and snickers of those who have read my previous works, countless interviews, and Internet blogs. Some people would be well within their rights to question my ability or qualifications to give advice of any kind, much less that which pertains to the improvement of female behavior and the guidelines of healthy male-female relationships. Who the hell do I think I am?
I am most certainly no expert, nor am I a saint. Millions of readers know I have never been a woman to walk the straight and narrow, for I am always searching for my own path and reasoning. But that very refusal to fall into what is seen as society’s definition of the norm is exactly what qualifies me to, at the very least, share with you what I have learned thus far.
None of us is all-knowing nor immune, not even those who have dedicated their lives to the study of human behavior and relationships and have been honored with degrees for their years of collegiate commitment. They too suffer from esteem and relationship woes. The truth, however, is that we are all experts about our own lives, and we all have stories to share and advice to pass along. Sadly, we rarely follow our own counsel but give it freely in hopes that someone will make proper use of it. You can say this is my advice to you, but, mostly, this manual is just a conversation between us girls—and even you, fellas! It is a compilation of things I have learned combined with experienced direction from those much older and much wiser than I am. I have followed some of the advice within these pages, and some I am still trying to learn and adhere to. Trust me, I too am reading along with you.
One old adage comes to mind: “Do as I say and not as I do.” I never understood what it meant when adults hurled it toward me as a child, but now it all makes sense to me. Making mistakes is a natural part of the human experience. It’s not unusual for all those clever little sayings that never made much sense when we were young to make a world of difference as we grow older and, hopefully, a bit wiser. Life isn’t about who’s coming to the party but who will be there to help you pick up the pieces when all the guests are gone. There is so much promise in all of us and, as I entered my third decade of life, I yearned for more in some areas and for less in others. More than anything, I yearned to live up to my promise. After all the wild nights and endless days, after all the people, places, and things I’d encountered and experienced, I wanted to fall in love and I wanted to fall for someone who would fall for me. Most pertinent, I wanted to be worthy of it all. You see, ladies, it doesn’t matter where you’ve been, but it does matter what you’ve learned while you were there. There’s nothing wrong with going to the party, but there is something very wrong with staying too long. Somewhere in my twenties, I realized I had overstayed my welcome.
At some point in our lives, we have to get serious about our futures and about our relationships. Being young and reckless is never attractive, though we’ve convinced ourselves that it is. Being available to and sexually irresponsible with miscellaneous males is definitely undesirable, to say the least. Somehow, we’ve been