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of making the relationship work. He’s lied to you and you’ve been lying to yourself. Too many things have happened for you to count, including the fact that you’ve had it with his flirting and/or cheating. Hell, maybe those are your issues and he’s had enough of your shit! You’re convinced that all men are dogs and have been tortured by thoughts of the other woman, whether she really exists or not. Whatever the scenario, you’ve reached your saturation point and can’t stand any of it anymore. You’ve finally gathered your composure, vowing to never let him see you sweat, and have begun confiding in your real girlfriends. And even though he’s been dishing out a good, old-fashioned mind fuck, you’re determined to leave. Enough is enough. You’re ready to take a good, hard look at yourself. This relationship is over. Dunzo! This man is out of your life. Doesn’t it feel good? No? Well, don’t worry. It will.

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Vixen Say What?

I don’t want nobody that don’t want me.

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Your ability and willingness to move on is, in itself, very sexy. It takes a strong and confident woman to be able to step away, knowing better options will always lie ahead. If a part of you still wonders if there’s some leftover love between you after all the two of you have been through, it’s still important that you leave. The relationship as it stands now is undeniably unhealthy for you. Start a new life, one without him in it. Reunite with your girlfriends, if you haven’t been spending quality time with them because of the relationship. Take some time to be with yourself and enjoy your own fabulousness. Get into a regimen that is completely different from the one you had when he was around. Go so far as changing your contact information. That’s right; help him lose contact with you. It’s the only way to allow yourself to move into a healthy space where you can find solid footing again, especially if the breakup was bad. It’s very easy, and dangerous, to get caught up in the hope that a man who was bad for you will call again, reeling you back into the same negative relationship with its destructive patterns. Be strong. Cut the ties. If the split is an amicable and a friendly one, leave him a lifeline—an e-mail address or a voice mail number—but send a definite signal that things are changing, and changing fast.

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Vixen Tip

Well, you’ve made it this far—too far to turn back now. However, it’s okay to stop and regroup before moving forward. Now would be a good time to review all the previous Vixen Tips and start over again. Gather yourself and prepare for a relationship better suited to your needs, but first take a moment to reflect on what you’ve done right and what you’ve done wrong. Reconfigure your blueprint and rework your plan. Most important, learn, learn, learn. Every man has his season and every season has its reason. Find the purpose in your pain and make your mistakes make sense.

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Take some time before dating again. Once you’re ready to get out there, however, make sure you don’t allow what went wrong in this relationship to scar you, thereby affecting your future relationships. During the time you spent alone, you should have examined all aspects of the relationship you just ended, using it as course training for the University of Life. Look at all the teachable moments. Every relationship is filled with them. There’s something to be gained for your personal growth from every good and bad experience. It is only through encountering negatives and counterintentions that we can determine what our intentions are in terms of the things we do want in a relationship. It is good to have learned from your past courtships. Instead of being suspicious and untrusting in your new ones, choose to be alert and decisive, all the wiser for your rich emotional journey.

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Recap

It’s important to recognize the universal signs that the relationship has run its course and to respond to those signs accordingly: You have had your share of fights.

You have broken up and gotten back together a few times.

He’s lied