Vixen Manual - Karrine Steffans [22]
Think of every message you leave as a potential sound bite that can work against you.
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Perhaps by now you’ve figured out I know a thing or two about flipping out and stalking my man after or on the verge of a breakup. While I would love to recount every single last one of those embarrassing moments with you, that’s a whole other book. Perhaps you’ve heard of it; it’s called Confessions of a Video Vixen. What I can share with you is that each time I reacted adversely to some sort of rejection, it only frightened the men who were witness to my loss of control and further solidified their reasoning to let me go. I was a nut! A certified macadamia! After a bit of self-examination—and one court order later—therapy really helped me work through my separation anxieties and self-esteem issues. I highly recommend talking to a professional if you find yourself really losing it when your relationships stagger or come to an end. It can save you from disaster. It can save you from yourself.
No matter how badly you want someone to be yours, that doesn’t mean it will change the outcome and make it so. You can’t hold a man’s emotions hostage or force him to be with you against his will. I mean, you can, but that’s false imprisonment—also known as kidnapping—and is considered a federal crime. Are you sure that’s what you want? Do you love this man so much that you want to hold him hostage and force him to love you, then risk having to go away for a long, long time? Really, ladies, it’s not that hectic. Let him go—physically, emotionally, and spiritually. Release him to the universe as you bid him Godspeed. Not everyone is for you, and that’s okay. Your life can still flourish in spite of this fact. We’ve all picked the wrong guy at one time or another and had to let him go, or, conversely, had a guy push us away. Sometimes it’s happened over and over again. No matter. We do it until we learn the lesson and begin to figure out what we don’t want in our lives versus what we do. If the two of you don’t fit, it’s not the end of the world, and it’s most certainly not the end of you. Use the disappointment as fuel to motivate you to personal greatness. Let that breakup make you better, not bitter!
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Vixen Say What?
Nothing beats an ex like success!
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There are plenty of ways to improve yourself that have the side benefit of allowing an ex to see just what he missed out on, if that matters to you (and for many of us, it does). For those of you ready to show him a thing or three about the prize he foolishly let go, the next set of tips is just for you.
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Vixen Tip
The following is a list of things you should do.
1. Change your hairstyle and/or color drastically.
2. Spring for a new, sexier wardrobe that fits your body and your budget.
3. Put on those sexy new clothes and hit all the hot spots, especially the ones you know your ex or his friends frequent.
4. Upgrade everything possible in your life—your job, house, car, and jewelry.
5. Never let him see you sweat. Always smile, even when you feel like crying.
6. Save your tears for your friends, for family, or for when you’re alone.
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Experiencing rejection doesn’t have to be a bad thing. If you recognize moments like this as opportunities to up your game and, in the process, learn more about yourself, you can continue to evolve into the kind of woman who is more than ready when a deserving man comes along. And he won’t have any problem recognizing it, because you’ll have a glow that lights up everything around you. You’ll know you’re a prize, and no man will ever make you feel like anything less, even if you’re not the one for him.
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Recap
Don’t fall apart.
Would you want to be involved with you?
Think about what you may have contributed to the demise of your relationship and the ones that preceded it.
Don’t direct your attention toward your ex.
Let that breakup make you better, not bitter.
You can continue to evolve into the kind of woman who is more