Vixen Manual - Karrine Steffans [30]
* * *
These tidbits are just some of my suggestions for becoming a more focused, goal-oriented woman who will achieve everything she puts her mind, skill, and energy toward. So many of us feel stuck because of our circumstances. Perhaps no one’s ever told you that you can be more than what you are now or offered advice on how to move toward your dreams. Maybe you already know what you have to do to reach your goals, but your spirit has been broken by a bad relationship or a distracting home life, and you just need a little pick-me-up. I’ve been there, and it wasn’t that long ago. Believe me, ladies, when I say that these simple steps helped me, and they can work for you. By having your goals and a strategy to accomplish them intact, you are one step closer to having the types of relationships you desire.
* * *
Recap
In order to achieve anything, ladies, you have got to have goals!
Men can spot an unsure, unformed woman.
Not everyone will be supportive, especially if what you set out to do defies their idea of convention.
Without a sturdy foundation, everything you reach for and build will fail.
The sooner you get yourself together, the sooner you can begin laying out a plan to ultimately realize your dreams.
Time is a commodity.
After twenty-five, there are no more excuses and very little leeway.
Let the adversity and resistance you encounter from others have an energizing effect instead of a depleting one.
Everything is possible and there is a path around every obstacle.
By having your goals and a strategy to accomplish them intact, you are one step closer to having the types of relationships you desire.
* * *
Chapter Thirteen
Principles
We all have principles of one kind or another. Our principles and values play a major part in defining who we are. And as sure as there are differences in our fingerprints, so are there differences in what we will and will not stand for in our lives.
While one definition of the word principle has to do with morally correct behavior, I try not to let the morals of others get in the way of my decision making. Most of the mores we are told to live by are based upon the double standards of a patriarchal society, based upon rules set by men to keep women in their place. If you take that fact out of the equation, you’ll realize that what an individual considers right and wrong is typically directed by an internal compass, a compass that is, for better or worse, often shaped by that individual’s upbringing. One person’s outrage might therefore be another person’s no big deal—it’s all subjective. And although we live in a world that is quick to categorize and demean others based on their behavior, none of us have the right to judge another’s moral correctness and principles.
As for your principles, do you even know what they are? And as it relates to dating, are you aware of what you will and won’t accept? Have you even thought about it before?
Most women, by the time they’ve reached their early twenties, have experienced some form of teenage heartbreak and, perhaps, the reckless intensity that comes with first love. Your emotions, untested up to that point, were allowed to run rampant. No boundaries were set because there had been nothing by which to measure. You loved hard and heavy, soaring high, and when things eventually ended, you hit the ground at crushing speed. You probably thought you would never get over the pain of that first breakup, but, miraculously, you do, and you learn to do this dance over and over again, each time learning more about yourself than you knew before.
Once you began to experience joy and excitement, pain and disappointment, and all the feelings in between, you start to set parameters for yourself for what you like and don’t like based on these early learning experiences. If you don’t set boundaries for yourself, you soon find yourself repeating the same thing again and again until, ultimately, it becomes a pattern. The only way to avert this kind of serial situation is to be clear about what you want