Vixen Manual - Karrine Steffans [38]
This is why it is so important to have and maintain a strong position in every aspect of your life. Men look to us for instructions on how to treat us. If you haven’t cultivated anything of your own, you will be viewed as weak and unstable, and handled as such. In a relationship, both parties must know and respect the other’s position, especially as it relates to the roles they will play. You must allow the man to be the man. By nature, and in theory, the males of most species set the atmosphere in which the relationship and family will be run. While this suggests that you should not be defiant when taking your cues from him, it does not mean that you should not participate in establishing that atmosphere. Once your man has set the initial tone of things and that tone does not conflict with your personal ethics and values, you can then set your own tone within those parameters, ultimately integrating it with his. This is how you mutually establish the relationship, instead of having it be defined for you, solely by him.
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Vixen Tip
Let’s say your mate decides to stay out past what you both have agreed is a respectful hour, without an explanation. You’re sitting at home, waiting. While you’re waiting, guess what happened? You’ve now gained the leverage needed to up the ante on things in your relationship. A power shift has taken place where you now hold the advantage because he has violated rules that were (and should have been) established by the two of you from the very beginning. Still, you must handle this situation lovingly, taking care to respect his position as the man of the house. Don’t scream or carry on when he finally walks through the door. He already knows he’s in for it. He’s expecting it. Defy his expectation. Welcome him with a warm embrace. Take off his shoes. Help undress him and get him tucked into bed, even asking if he needs anything before he falls asleep. Whatever you do, just smile and play your position—that of a woman who has been steadfast and true to her role in the relationship. If you do anything other than this, you’ll only relinquish your upper hand and sabotage the hard work you have done thus far in gaining a respectful position in the household.
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Once you have exercised this kind of restraint, your position will change, strengthening in your favor. Being able to alter your position requires you being a woman of power, a woman who knows her worth. You can’t be a taker, contributing nothing to your home and relationship yet demanding everything. You can’t be needy and dependent and then try to pull rank. You don’t have any.
When your man awakes the next morning after an unexplained late night out, breakfast should be cooked, the house should be spotless, and laundry should be done. Everything and everyone should be in order. You may be saying to yourself, Vixen, are you crazy? but trust me. There is a method to all this. You see, he’ll actually be waiting for the fallout. He’ll be expecting it. He already knows he broke the rules, and it will be hanging there between you, heavy but unspoken. Your calm, even demeanor will worry him tremendously, especially if this is the first time he’s ever tested your boundaries. Smile and go about your usual business, happy and unconcerned. When he asks what’s going on with you, say, “Nothing, honey. What’s going on with you?” That subtext in those words alone with tell him everything. You’ve just given him a chance to explain himself, and now the burden is on him to eventually do so or potentially lose his footing with you. If he doesn’t offer an explanation right then, continue about your normal day. Go to work. Go to the store or the mall. It doesn’t matter where you go. What does matter is when you come back—and you won’t, at least not when you say you are. Offer no explanation upon your return. You don’t have to do anything drastic during that time you’re away. Maybe you were only