Vixen Manual - Karrine Steffans [39]
When you walk in the door, he will most likely be waiting for you. In the event that he is, accept no quarrels. If he persists, ask him, “Did I say anything when you came home last night at four in the morning? Did I disrespect you or your position in any way? Or did I tuck you into bed and serve you breakfast this morning?” Your point will be well taken, and if you are a woman of power who has made her position in the relationship clear, he will know what to do next. Trust me, it won’t involve disrespecting you again.
Some of you may frown upon this, seeing it as a game. While it may appear that way, this is an effective method for clarifying terms of respect in the relationship in situations where those terms are being tested. This method allows for both parties to reach a mutual agreement, with minimal conflict, of how they will treat each other. If conflict does arise, or if your man continues to stay out late in retaliation, using your actions as an excuse for continued disrespect, then your foundation wasn’t set correctly in the first place. Perhaps you need to rethink this relationship. Maybe this is not the man for you.
This is an example of a worst-case scenario, yet the general principles are simple. Everyone is an individual and should be treated as such. Not even in marriage does the other person become your property. I was fortunate enough to learn this lesson very early in life, although it didn’t register until I was about twenty-five. Even then, I wasn’t able to utilize the wisdom I’d gained until I was nearly thirty. In retrospect, I was always trying to change my boyfriends, hoping to make them into what I wanted them to be. I would try to force them into loving and committing to me, into staying home, and staying over. That neediness and compulsion to own and control only resulted in the exact opposite of what I intended. Instead of drawing them closer to me, I repeatedly drove them further away. Eventually, I figured it out. It is not force that makes a man bend; it is positioning and acceptance, patience and restraint. Allow your man the latitude to do as he pleases, as long as he understands that the wind blows in all directions and he might easily find himself pissing in that wind if he doesn’t govern himself accordingly. In that case, let’s just hope that his mouth is closed.
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Recap
A strong position lends to an enormous amount of respect.
When it comes to women, men are just as attracted to strength and position as we are to those traits in them.
We teach our men how to treat us.
If you haven’t cultivated anything of your own, you will be viewed as weak and unstable.
Everyone is an individual and should be treated as such.
It is not force that makes a man bend, it is positioning and acceptance, patience and restraint.
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Chapter Sixteen
Worth
Worth is the mother of everything. When a woman knows her worth, all the other aspects—goals, principles, power, and position—are free to be manifested, pursued, and fulfilled. How a woman values herself becomes evident to anyone who talks to her for as little as five minutes. In that small amount of time, so much can be determined. A woman who believes in who she is reveals so in the music of her voice, her steady gaze, the swing of her hips, and the confidence with which she gains and shares information. A woman who does not carries with her an aura of disappointment and fear that can be seen in the slumping of her shoulders, the doubt in her eyes, and the hesitancy of her delivery.
We’re all women of worth, but we don’t all know it. When you do, however, your power and position are obvious. You command respect when you walk into the room. People around you