Vixen Manual - Karrine Steffans [49]
I finally realized I needed to have all of the things those successful men in my life had. While it was important for me to be a part of their worlds, watching how they went about things, I didn’t have the epiphany that I needed to become accomplished in my own right until after I started a family with a man who owned everything around me. I had nothing of my own. I was just the humble recipient of his generosity. He paid for the house, the car, and everything I wore and ate. I contributed nothing substantial. This would turn out to be one of the biggest mistakes of my young life. Luckily, I was just seventeen and had plenty of time to learn and move on. The question is, how much time do you have?
When you are an asset to yourself and to those around you, it will be in part because you’ve accomplished, and are still accomplishing, all you have planned for yourself, whether before or after creating a family. You should see to it that you are educated and able to stand on your own. It is easy to be dominated by others when they feel as if you need them. Many women make the mistake of waiting for a man to come along that will take care of them and give them a more acceptable social status. This plan, as I personally discovered, is terribly outdated, full of holes and traps. In this millennium, you must make your own way and focus upon your goals as early in life as possible. There is nothing more attractive to a secure, successful man than a woman who shares those same traits. A woman who shares these same characteristics with her man is more likely to make it through the long haul, but in the event that she does not, she’ll be more than efficient as a single woman and/or mother, able to stand on her own and continue to succeed.
What you represent in your relationships is exactly what you represent to the world around you. If you are strong-willed, determined, and capable in your role as a wife, a mother, and a woman, those around you will take notice and respect you as such. It is important that you are an asset to yourself first and that you are unwavering in your definition of who you are and who you will one day be. You will feel respected not only by your mate but also by your peers. Most importantly, you will respect yourself.
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Vixen Tip
I always recommend that women write a list of things detailing who they are and a list of things they want to be, then post those lists in places where they can see and read them each day. It is important to define yourself. If you don’t, others will try to do it for you. This is an exercise that I have used to remind myself of who I really am, especially when others would try to redefine me. Knowing who you are, having a plan for your present and future life, being in charge, and taking full responsibility for yourself makes you both invincible and irreplaceable. My list includes: I am a mother. I am a friend. I am an author. I will earn my degree in psychology. I will run a successful publishing company. Make your own list. Claim all that you are and all that you will be. It will help you identify who you are again and give you goals to work toward.
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When you are an asset to yourself and to those around you, you’ll walk through life with purpose and intent as an achiever and a model whom other women will want to emulate. You’ll find yourself happier and more focused. More harmonious and compatible relationships will come your way because you’ll be satisfied with yourself and, therefore, happier with your life, your partner, and your family.
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Recap
It is crucial that you become an asset to yourself.
Never compromise your goals and principles for the sake of someone else’s comfort.
Make sure your dreams aren’t constantly being deferred and relegated