Vixen Manual - Karrine Steffans [8]
No man wants to be in constant dread that the woman he loves will run back into the arms of another suitor, a suitor he once competed against for your affections. You owe your man more than that. You owe it to yourself to learn how to weather the realistic challenges of love. That, ladies, is a mistake I know all too well. Once, through my own misjudgments and insecurities, I almost lost one of the most enduring and fulfilling relationships in my life. I was so afraid to make a commitment and move forward in that commitment that I continuously found myself reaching back to my past, and to one lover in particular. There I was, juggling them both, calling this one, calling that one, professing love for one and love for the other. What a mess I had gotten myself into, sneaking off to see one, lying to them both. One was a superstar, with all the perks that come with being a high-profile celebrity. There were many tangible goods at my disposal, but very little comfort and emotional security. It’s not as if my other choice was a pauper or any less than a man, but what he lacked in monetary currency he more than made up for in emotional wealth. I had to make a choice and it had to be the right one.
You have to weigh your options, and the best man won’t always be the one the rest of the world would expect or approve of. He’s the one who loves you unconditionally and, at times, more than himself.
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Recap
You will have to decide which suitor fits you best.
You may have to go through several versions of your dance card before finding the right man.
Love as an emotion, no matter how genuine, is incomplete without love as an action.
Trust that you have chosen the right man for you, then commit to that decision.
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Chapter Four
Casual Sex
One day several years ago, I was on my way home from a long night out. As the sun rose over the city, I anxiously waited for what felt like the longest red light in the world to turn green. While waiting, I noticed something unusual out of the corner of my eye—it was a cardboard box, rocking back and forth. Upon closer inspection, I could see four feet sticking out from the box (which apparently once housed a refrigerator). Two shopping carts filled with cans were in the “driveway” alongside the cardboard house. It took me a few minutes to realize it, but I was looking at two homeless people having sex in a cardboard box on one of the busiest street corners in Los Angeles. That dawn, I learned a very important lesson: sex is the easiest thing in the world to get. You don’t even have to have a home, a bed, or a place to shower. Anyone can have it anytime, anywhere.
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Vixen Say What?
There is nothing casual about sex. Easy, yes, but not casual.
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From that day forward, I thought differently about sex, especially that of the casual variety. Nothing that easy can be worth having! As human beings, we tend to value that which requires a certain level of investment, whether it be sweat equity, our time, emotions, or our hard-earned money. Things easily had are often easily discarded, as we feel we can effortlessly attain them again. I like a challenge and typically enjoy doing things most people aren’t doing. After my epiphany that morning at the traffic light, I knew, without question, that I didn’t want to be a member of the “bums in a box” club.
I began to think about everything that comes with sex without commitment. I pondered how things have changed between the sexes. How, not only can today’s liberated women supposedly do anything the boys can do, but do it better and with just as much emotional disconnect. I thought about it long and hard—and came to the conclusion that the theory of us handling sex as casually as men