Vixen Manual - Karrine Steffans [82]
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A lot of this might sound silly to most women, but remember, we’re not socialized the way men are. Most men are taught to conquer and provide, and when circumstances prevent them from doing so, they can often feel inadequate and unworthy. Because many men are trained from childhood to not cry and to man up, they internalize their stress and disappointment, making them apt to fall into depression if not afforded the proper outlet and support. That outlet is you. Your job is to stroke his ego. It might feel like an emotional handjob—jacking him off, if you will. This doesn’t mean you’re turning him into some mollycoddled whiner who’ll become comfortable relying on you to take the lead in the relationship. This is merely another form of support to get his ego back up to speed. Just as in sex, it is equally as necessary to offer a bit of gentle stroking to encourage him as a man.
And why shouldn’t you? They do it for us all the time! If you’ve taken the time and gone through the proper processes to select a man—the right man—he’ll know when you’re in need of a little pick-me-up. How many times has your man heaped compliments and reassurances upon you, right when you needed them most? If your mate is as attuned to you as he should be, and vice versa, you will both be a comfort to each other during times of crisis and calm. He will shower you with loving words as if he’s only just discovered how incredible you are, and he’ll do it on a day when you’re most distressed, even though you haven’t told him how upset you are. In turn, during the times that he’s most doubting himself, you’ll wrap him in your arms, tell him how much you love him, and proceed in giving him all the reassurance he needs. And you’ll do it without him having to ask. It’s called relationship sixth sense. The stronger your bond, the more heightened your sensitivity to each other’s needs. Encourage your man. Lift him up before the world. The more uplifted he feels, the higher he will raise you.
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Recap
Your man needs to feel needed, and it’s your job to make that happen.
Repetition is how we come to believe the things we believe, for better or for worse.
A man’s sense of worth is often tied to how he makes his living.
Do not emasculate him.
It is equally as necessary to offer a bit of gentle stroking to encourage him as a man.
The stronger your bond, the more heightened your sensitivity to each other’s needs.
The more uplifted he feels, the higher he will raise you.
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Section 4
How to Release Him
How do you know when you’ve had enough? There are certain things no woman can ignore; some are his fault and, believe it or not, some are yours. Either way, a woman must know when enough is enough and just how to release her catch.
Chapter Thirty-three
When a Woman’s Fed Up
So let me get this straight: you’ve done all you can, you’re one hell of a woman with all your ducks in a row, and you’ve done nothing but right by your man. And even with all this, he still continues to act up? Is he coming home in the wee hours of the morning? Getting strange late-night calls? Has he become caught up in a web of elaborate lies, unable to explain his strange behavior? Maybe he never quite recovered from losing his job and has become a permanent fixture on your couch. Or every time you come home from a hard day’s work, the only thing he’s done right is guess the baby daddy on Maury. Have you officially had enough of his ass? Well, I get it, girl. It’s time to turn this joker a-loose! That’s right, I said it—a-loose!
But let’s be methodical about this whole thing. Once we realize we can no longer