Vixen Manual - Karrine Steffans [85]
As undesirable as it is to have a man who lies, there is a form of fabrication that’s even more abominable than having a lover or a child deceive you. It’s when you lie to yourself. If you’re not honest enough with yourself to acknowledge when lies are being fed to you by your man, if you’d rather be mired in delusion than face the hard truth that there is deceit in your relationship, then you’re doomed, and so is your self-esteem. Eventually, your relationship will fail as well, but it was already chock-full of lies, so it couldn’t have been much of a relationship to begin with, anyway.
We lie to ourselves about so much in our lives, creating alternate universes in which we take refuge to avoid facing the truth of our circumstances. We do everything possible to maintain appearances and try to keep up with the Joneses, while the Joneses are busy trying to keep up with the Smiths. It’s a lie, all of it. Everyone’s creating an illusion to compete with everyone else’s illusion!
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Vixen Tip
Try being honest about everything with everyone, even if just for one day, and experience how freeing it is. There is one simple thing we all do, every day, that if changed can alter the way the rest of our day goes. How many times today has someone asked, “How are you?” and you’ve said, “I’m fine!” Now, how many times was your answer a lie? We say these sorts of things without even thinking about what the real answer should be. We’re all so busy thinking about what we have to do next that we fire off quick lies to get out of conversations, not realizing we’ve just gotten caught up in the perpetuation of another piece of fiction. The next time someone asks how you’re doing, tell him or her the truth—I dare you! Look them in the eye and say, “I’m not so well today. My man’s getting on my nerves, the kids are driving me crazy, I hate my job, I’m having a bad hair day, my mother-in-law’s a moron, and, on top of it all, these shoes are killing my corns!” Let it all out, whatever it is, and then ask them, “So, how are you doing?” Even if they clam up because they’re jarred by your response, you’ll be surprised to learn how much lighter you’ll feel by answering just that one simple question honestly.
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It’s important that you stop the lies before they become habit. You do yourself a tremendous disservice when you deceive yourself and refuse to face facts. If this is a behavior you indulge, do yourself a favor and put an end to it now. As for your man, it’s up to you to check him. Even if he had a habit of lying to past girlfriends, make it known that such behavior will never be acceptable to you. As I’ve stressed throughout this book, people look to you for direction on how to treat you. Allowing a man to lie without penalty is a recipe for disaster. When you refuse to accept bullshit, you set a bar that only the most worthy men will dare to reach.
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Recap
It’s time we started paying attention to our God-given women’s intuition.
It is impossible to build a relationship based on untruths.
If you’re not honest enough with yourself to acknowledge when lies are being fed to you by your man, then you’re doomed, and so is your self-esteem.
Allowing a man to lie without penalty is a recipe for disaster.
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Chapter Thirty-five
Flirting
There are always signs, many of them obvious, that a man is not the one for you. Whether you face those signs head-on or choose to ignore them makes all the difference in whether you will breeze past this guy and wait for more suitable options or end up in a situation that causes you