Vixen Manual - Karrine Steffans [86]
I’m not talking about mild flirtation. We all do that in some way or another, even when we’re not aware that we’re doing it. What I’m referring to is the blatant kind, like when you’re out having dinner with your man and he can’t even keep his focus on your conversation because he’s so busy eyeing every other woman in the room. I’m talking about the guy who won’t hold your hand in public or walks a few paces ahead of or behind you because he doesn’t want other women to know he’s off the market. If he does hold your hand, he still winks and ogles passersby, to your alarming embarrassment and humiliation. Or he’s texting, always texting, every five minutes. Who the hell is he talking to? Do you even know? Of course, you don’t. Interestingly enough, when you first met, he was always texting you just the way he’s texting now.
Ladies, you know who I’m talking about. That guy. The perpetual attention seeker. If this describes the man you’re dating right now, you might want to face some obvious facts, one of which is that your chances of him being in for the long haul are very, very slim.
We’ve all encountered the pathological flirt. He has an insatiable need to be the center of attention. You must always be focused on him, even though he’s hardly ever focused on you, not the way you deserve. This kind of man is always “on,” with his Las Vegas personality and his ten-thousand-watt smile. You can’t do or go anywhere with him without his stopping other women under the guise of making small talk about some seemingly insignificant thing. While this may seem like a harmless act and he may protest that he’s just being friendly, don’t go for it, ladies. This type of behavior is dangerous to even the most confident and strong-minded of women. It is a constant erosion that will, if allowed to continue, make you doubt yourself and wonder why you aren’t enough to keep his attention. Don’t be mistaken. His behavior has nothing to do with you. There will never be room for anyone else with a man like this. He—and he alone—is the center of his universe.
On the surface, this man appears to be ultraconfident and sure of himself, but nothing could be further from the truth. This is the classic insecure man, an infantile attention whore moving throughout his adult life screaming “Me! Me! Me!” in an attempt to overcompensate for some void from childhood or a humiliating slight in his past, neither of which can ever be rectified without seeking professional help. But wait—this man would never seek professional help. Therapy is for suckers and punks, he says. Besides, there are women to be flirted with. Lots of them. Being admired and having his desirability constantly validated is much more important to him than getting to the root of why he behaves this way.
One of the worst things you can do is try to fix this man. We often get caught up in playing the role of rehabilitator, trying to repair a man who doesn’t want our help. People like the flirter choose to be the way they are, whether out of fear, habit, or ignorance. When you attempt to alter his behavior, you will only be met with resistance and, perhaps, more of the same behavior. As women, we are predisposed to trying to make things better. It’s the nurturer in us. This, however, is not your fight. This man knows who he is. He revels in it. If he doesn’t want to rehabilitate his behavior, the best thing you can do is get out…and fast! If you stay, you do so at your peril.
Dating this kind of man means finding yourself in constant conflict with him. It will happen every time you see his eyes wander away from yours. You’ll wonder at whom he’s glancing, just over your shoulder. You will become angry, then sad, then fed up. What you do after that determines how much more your esteem suffers. If you leave him, you can get away with minimal injury. If you stay, your confidence will continue to diminish—unless, of course, you’re impervious to this kind