Vixen Manual - Karrine Steffans [88]
His behavior has nothing to do with you.
The classic insecure man is an infantile attention whore moving throughout his adult life screaming, “Me! Me! Me!”
If you find yourself with a serial flirter, the best thing you can do is get out…and fast!
Men like this are often incredibly charming, having honed their skills, especially the gift of gab, into sharp, alluring weapons that always capture prey.
Someone who flirts all the time with every living thing is suffering from a major psychological issue and is not capable of being in a healthy relationship.
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Chapter Thirty-six
Cheating
Cheating. It’s the one word every woman seeking a healthy, long-term relationship hopes to avoid, especially if you’ve ever dated a cheating man before. You know the pain that comes with betrayal. You know how it feels to learn you’ve been lied to and misled, maybe even shamelessly used by some man who convinced you that his heart and intentions were pure when, all along, they were anything but.
The subject of cheating has always been a difficult one for me because of my own experiences. If you’ve read my prior works, you know this already. I’ve been very frank and forthcoming about what I’ve endured in my personal journey. There was a lot of pain, some of which was brought on by my own gullibility. But, as they say, you don’t know until you know. Still, just as in the case with pathological flirters, men who are inclined to cheat give off signs. It’s up to you to listen and be aware. In my particular situation, every time I was cheated on, I could trace the behavior back to something the man said or did, maybe even in passing, that gave him away. Cheaters say things early on that give them away. Things like, “I can’t see myself settling down” or “I used to cheat a lot.” The first statement is an indirect way of saying, “I won’t be here for long” and “I like variety.” The second one, which is much more deceptive, suggests infidelity was a thing of the past and that the behavior no longer exists. Be warned, ladies. This is yet another way of ensnaring you.
It’s up to you to dig deeper by asking questions, meeting past girlfriends, as well as female friends and family members (mother, sisters, aunts, cousins) in order to find out if this man has healthy relationships with women. Cheaters are, at their core, disrespectful, self-centered, and unconcerned about the hurt they cause. People like this will have plenty of evidence surrounding them to indicate who they are. Don’t just accept a man’s word for who he is, especially if you hear rumors of his past behavior or he already has a reputation for being unfaithful. We often ignore blatant signs and the warnings of friends and family. Seek evidence on your own before you invest your time. It can end up saving you a considerable amount of heartache, emotional scarring, and possibly money, especially if the man is a lazy, no-good loser all around.
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Vixen Tip
It’s not attractive to be nosy and snoop through a man’s things in order to find evidence of cheating. After all, you would just be giving him leverage against you if you do. Instead, simply ask to see his telephone and e-mail records and offer to show him yours as well. Be honest and up front by telling him you have suspicions and are having a difficult time trusting him. If he is not willing to discuss this issue with you and put your suspicions at ease, you’ve pretty much gotten your answer. It’s better that you be unjustifiably distrusting than for your man to prove your feelings are correct.
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Whatever you do, once you see evidence of your man cheating, don’t accept this behavior. It will only increase. If you allow it, it will become the norm. Don’t take him back just because he promised to never do it again. Part of the cycle of cheaters is convincing you that this is an isolated act that will not be repeated. The trick of that argument, however, is that if you accept it and stay, you’ll have made an unwritten agreement to stay if it happens again.