Vixen Manual - Karrine Steffans [90]
Emotional infidelity can be even more damaging and far-reaching than sexual infidelity.
Be sure your man agrees with you not just about physical infidelity but about how dangerous emotional infidelity can be to your relationship.
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Chapter Thirty-seven
If All Men Are Dogs…
(… Then All Women Are Bitches)
We’ve all been out with a group of women when the subject of men comes up and, suddenly, we find ourselves agreeing along with everyone else that, “All men are dogs!” This refrain is usually accompanied by much neck popping, eye rolling, and finger snapping, with more than one or two people in the group chiming in with a resounding mmm-hmmm as confirmation. As a part of this communal gender bonding, each woman, one by one, reveals her latest “I’m dating a dog” story, and every story ends with a combination man-demeaning declaration followed by high fives all around. Strangers in the group may hug, laugh, and cry with each other and perhaps even establish friendships on this common ground of misdirected, blanket-assessment negativity. Sure, we’ve all seen and participated in this, and while it may feel like a “‘Kumbaya’ meets girl power” moment, it’s actually anything but that. All men are not dogs, and if this is what you believe as you are reading this book, you are surely destined to watch that statement become a self-fulfilling prophecy.
This may come as news to some women who prefer to blame their dating woes—and countless other issues—on men, but as the old saying goes, “It takes two to tango.” First, let’s refer back to the updated version of the Golden Rule that I’ve been emphasizing throughout this manual: you teach people how to treat you. Others will do to you only what you allow them to. They take their lead from you. If you find yourself constantly attracting these so-called dogs who treat you like dirt, odds are it’s because they’ve spotted an opening, something inside of you that says, “Come on…take advantage of me.” Dogs are attracted to bitches. It is an irresistible, instinctive, visceral urge more overpowering than sense and reasoning. A “bitch,” in this instance, would be someone who just assumes the position and takes whatever is thrust upon her without protest.
That statement may have strong sexual overtones, but it is not exclusive to sex. It applies to every aspect of your life. If you’re willing to be someone else’s bitch, then you’re willing to lie down and be a doormat, a victim, a punching bag, and the perennial whipping girl who has accepted that this is her lot in life because she never learned or accepted her worth. If this is you—a woman a man feels that he can hump on with no regard for your feelings and with no interest in developing solidarity—then you can forget about monogamy, respect, and all those other things most of us want out of a man. You get dogs, honey, and all the assorted fleas and drama that come with them.
A man will treat you like a bitch until you show him you are a lady. Men will not respect you if you’re interested in financial gain strictly by way of whom you date. I know this from personal experience. Men will not respect you if you do not respect yourself, if you’re needy and incomplete, or if you’re unsure of yourself and your future, personal goals, and principles. Simply put, if you don’t have your shit together, men will treat you like shit.
We each attract a certain type of man, depending on how we carry ourselves. Don’t expect to have a respectful man if you, for instance, curse like a sailor. Such behavior always reflects more negatively upon you than it does to those you’re cursing. As for other important aspects of your life, if you don’t have any goals, principles, power, or worth, then what makes you believe you can attract a man who has any of those qualities? You are what you attract, whether you like it or not.
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Vixen Tip
Take a long, hard look at the type of men you have been attracting, and make a list of all the reasons why these men weren’t right for you. The answers you come