Vixen Manual - Karrine Steffans [94]
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Vixen Tip
Whatever you do, do not go out and get yourself another man in order to show your cheating ex that you can do what he does, as I always say, ten times faster and a hundred times better. Just because you can doesn’t mean you should. Be the bigger, better person here and, by all means, remain the victim—in theory, of course. Now is not the time for tit-for-tat behavior and one-upmanship. Your feelings, after all, are in play. Trying to salve them through artificial means, such as immediately dating and/or bedding another man, will only leave you more confused and emotionally injured. Now is the time for you to face what has happened head-on. Take the necessary amount of time to lick your wounds and heal your heart, then move forward with your life, wiser, stronger, and more alert to the signs that allowed this to happen.
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Every man comes with a cost, whether it’s financially, emotionally, or physically. Every man withdraws from your reserves and, in many ways, can never give back what he has taken. That is the give-and-take of relationships, but there has to be a balance. If a man is draining your reserves without replenishing them, you have to decide if you can live with that. Most women can’t, not without a cost, whether it is to their dignity, their bank account, their health, or their dreams. Being in a relationship with a man who has another woman on the side is not an ideal scenario for you, not if you are seeking a wholesome, fulfilling partnership. Put this trash out on the curb where it belongs and never look back. If the other woman still wants him, so be it. If she’s the kind of woman who’s willing to dine off the trash from your Dumpster, then let her. Chances are she’ll end up with the same tummyache you suffer from now.
Don’t be afraid to go through the hurt and pain. He’s not worth a woman like you, but allow yourself to miss him, even though he broke your heart. This is all part of the process of mourning a loss and moving on. Once you’ve gone through this and feel more stable emotionally, you’ll be able to face him and—this is a big one— forgive him. Perhaps he’s gone through his own emotional journey in the time you were apart and has seen the error of his ways. There’s always the remote chance that there is still love between you, although you shouldn’t place your hopes on it. If it is to be, that will reveal itself in time. Many relationships and marriages have seemed irretrievably broken then somehow managed to find their footing and flourish again.
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Vixen Say What?
The only way to get over something is to go through it.
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What matters most, however, is that this won’t be the death of you. Finding out about the other woman and dealing with it accordingly can be a major teachable moment on your journey, allowing you to learn more about yourself, your expectations, and your boundaries when it comes to men.
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Recap
The same way that the man you were with chose you, he can un-choose you (and vice versa, of course).
It is very difficult to rebuilt trust once it has been breached on this level.
Enlist the aid of family and your closest friends to provide emotional support to help you keep it together.
Let your silence be your sword.
A man who cannot stand by his word and commitments isn’t worth your time and emotions.
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Chapter Thirty-nine
Never Let Him See You Sweat
So you’re upset. I’m talking really upset. Let it out, girl, let it out! Sob uncontrollably, scream obscenities to the heavens, go ahead and break that lamp your grandmother gave you for a wedding present (you’ve always hated it, anyway). Trash your place, refuse to take a shower, lie in bed every day for weeks. It’s okay, really. Through it all, however, it’s important that you remember this one thing: whatever you do, don’t let your man see any of it! When your phone rings, let it. You can’t be bothered right now, anyway, because you’re depressed and pissed off. According to the cheery message on your voice mail, “We can’t get