Vixen Manual - Karrine Steffans [95]
There are people out there who will tell you it is unhealthy to close yourself off from the world. I’m no doctor, but as a woman, I know that there are times when blocking out the noise of the outside world is the only way to heal from a breakup, even if it was all your idea. In the last chapter I recommended that you lean on those closest to you and cry your eyes out to help cope with the pain, but sometimes you just don’t want anyone to see you like this. You want the freedom that comes from solitude, where you can scream as much as you want and question why this has happened to you. It’s okay to grieve in private, just as it’s equally acceptable to call up your best girlfriend and ask her to bring lunch into your den of sorrow. There’ll be days when you will want to be alone. On the days when you don’t, call someone you trust who loves you unconditionally. Whatever you do, don’t call him! Not even in your weakest moment. You’ll immediately regret it and you’ll never be able to take the moment back.
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Vixen Tip
In times like these you’ll have to take your life one day at a time. Don’t think too far ahead and definitely don’t think too far behind. Keep your brain in the here and now, focusing solely on what you can do to pass the time right this minute. Whether it’s staying on the phone with your friends or watching reruns of The Golden Girls, find your comfort zone and stay there until it all blows over.
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At first, it will feel as if the sky is falling. Let it. Better to get it all out of the way in the beginning. The beauty of having the sky fall is that one day you’ll wake up and notice the sun is shining brightly again. You got through what you believed was a dark, never-ending moment that ultimately did pass. These moments always pass. You just have to be fair with yourself and allow a sufficient amount of time to go through it. No one can tell you when to get better or to not be affected by disappointments in relationships. You’re human, after all, and only you can determine how much time is right for you.
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Vixen Say What?
No man is an android.
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That’s not to say the only emotion women feel is sadness or defeat. We can be volatile, angry, even hateful creatures when we feel we have been betrayed. In this instance, it is most important to do what you can to prove yourself worthy of respect by keeping it together and not letting the outside world see you as a broken woman. You are not broken; you’ve just gone through some bumps. If the person the world sees when you finally do step out the door is someone who’s teary, bitter, reckless, or vengeful, it will reflect poorly upon you, not the man who was probably the reason you feel this way. The world doesn’t see the man. It sees you. Strive to always present the best that you can, even in times of distress. Hold your head up. Make sure your hair, makeup, nails, and clothes are as impeccable as they would be when you are at your happiest. Restraint is a far more skillful exercise than an eruption of emotion, especially during times of great stress or anxiety.
Remember the ten-count rule? The one where you count to ten while taking deep, slow breaths? It works. If you’ve never tried it, you should. Do it when your rage, panic, or sadness seems as if it’s so overwhelming you are unable to contain it. A slow count, coupled with slow breaths, will allow you to calm down and put the moment into perspective.
Remember how your grandfather talked about turning the other cheek and walking away from a fight? Guess what? He was