Vixen Manual - Karrine Steffans [96]
Guard your image, especially when it comes to an ex. Your image is your brand. It is the thing everyone sees and by which they define you. By learning to master your emotions, you build a stronger you, one who is able to weather even the roughest of times and emerge triumphant.
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Recap
Never, ever, let a man see you at your worst. You’ll immediately regret it and you’ll never be able to take the moment back.
Strive to always present the best that you can, even in times of distress.
When you measure your words carefully, you are in control.
Your image is your brand.
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Chapter Forty
Get Yourself Some Real Girlfriends
My mother always said, “Everyone ain’t your friend” and “Learn to live without friends.” The latter may not have been the best advice—no man is an island, after all—but there was a point she was trying to emphasize as it relates to who you make your friend. As a young girl, I never understood what these sayings meant because at ten years old, hell, everyone’s your friend! Then one day you’re thirty and, as you look back on your life, you remember the people you once called friend, individuals with whom you shared common bonds and treasured secrets, but now they are nowhere to be found. You’d probably have just as hard a time locating the friends you had when you were ten, or even the friends you had when you were twenty, twenty-five, or maybe even last year. What happened to all of these people? Where did they go?
As we get older, life and people disappoint us. Sometimes we become jaded by personal experiences and consequently end up hurting the ones to whom we are closest. Someone may betray our trust, like stealing or spreading false rumors. No matter what the reason, as we grow we tend to outgrow certain people, places, and things we once revered. As our definitions of ourselves evolve, we naturally shed the earlier versions, much like animals shed their skin as their bodies require bigger accommodations. That doesn’t mean some of our friends can’t come along, but those who don’t grow with us, who are more conditional about their relationships with us, or who are on markedly different courses than the ones we are charting for ourselves are inevitably shed like so much skin. Seemingly overnight, we can go from having tens of friends to just a few, if even that.
Along the way, we learn the difference between acquaintances and friends. We often make the mistake of referring to acquaintances—meaning someone we know only in passing or on a surface level—as friends. If you find yourself with a revolving door of so-called friends coming in and out of your life, this could be where your trouble lies. Real friends are people who know you on your most dynamic level, not just the surface. They’ve seen you up, they’ve seen you down, and their opinion of you is never diminished. A friend is there for you in good times and bad, providing sage advice or just an available ear and shoulder when you need to vent. If you find yourself trying to access these benefits with mere acquaintances, don’t be surprised if you’re met with odd stares, unreturned phone calls, or are accused of offering TMI—too much information—because this person doesn’t have you on the same par as you’ve placed him or her.
As a rule, I’ve found that the best guyfriends are the ones who aren’t trying to have sex with you, and the best girlfriends are the ones who aren’t trying to be you. It may seem hard to find men and women who fit these parameters; when you do, keep them close. Be there for them the way they are there for you. The best way to have