Why We Suck_ A Feel Good Guide to Staying Fat, Loud, Lazy and Stupid - Denis Leary [3]
Should he blame himself for his lazy butter-assed slovenly ways?
Nope.
The popcorn factory workers filed a dangerous workplace/permanent health damages lawsuit and he decided to ride their cancer coattails all the way to the bank.
Let's up his total to at least five bags a day. Whatever the actual number might be I'll guarantee you one thing right now-you don't wanna be THIS guy when you're sitting down in the lung cancer chemotherapy waiting room. 'Cause when the guy who worked in a coal mine for twenty-seven years or the fireman who spent decades pulling people out of asbestos-ridden burning buildings asks how YOU got lung cancer the last word you wanna mention is "popcorn."
Open ass-insert fake butter bag.
And I don't wanna hear the words "misogyny," "racial profiling" or "politically incorrect."
I'm talking common goddam sense.
Misogynistic means you hate women-it doesn't mean you hate women because you are trying to tell them what they do not want to hear.
Like yes, your ass IS fat.
Or no-most heterosexual men do NOT find Renee Zellweger attractive.
AND-it's not possible that every single pair of shoes or every dress you decide to buy can be on sale. Maybe four hundred and seventy-nine dollars is the ACTUAL price and "marked down from seven hundred" is what they teach the salesclerk to tell you.
Danica Patrick-the much-heralded and publicized and ostracized and cursed-about-by-men female race car driver finally won her first race in 2008. Legions of women all over the earth were quoted in happy, feminist quotes about female power and female challenges and equal rights and equal abilities. Danica cried as she accepted her trophy and was photographed in all of her glory and joy. But the picture that was most often seen the next day was Danica in a bikini. From her pages in Sports Illustrated 's Annual Swimsuit Issue. In which she looked very very hot. Now-we can all agree or disagree about that picture and its placement and why she took it and are women objectified and blah blah sexist blah-but the truth is if you ask most men if they are attracted to a woman who can drive faster than them you will get either a no or a big fat maybe. But if you ask most men if they mind a woman who looks like Danica does in a bathing suit beating their brains out on the track? The answer is-not at all. Especially if she's WEARING the bikini while she drives. Hell-I'll sign up right now and ride shotgun. As a matter of fact-I wish there were a whole race of female race car drivers who drove like cheetahs on crack and looked fine in a swimsuit issue-I think the ratings would go through the roof.
But that will NEVER happen.
If you are a woman reading this, odds are Danica will win another few races but not you. Or your daughter. Danica is an anomaly. You and your daughter most likely are not. Even if you somehow managed to convince yourself that you were Danica Part Deux and passed every physical and mental challenge in your path and got sponsored and suited up and officially entered and placed on the track-you would never win a single IndyCar-EVER. Even if all the other male drivers were involved in an incredible crash that left them literally without the wherewithal to circle the track, you would be unable to maneuver around and between all the burning and airborne debris fast enough to see the checkered flag.
Especially if you have or plan on having kids.
Why?
Because there's an instinct built into the female DNA-if a woman is still of natural child-bearing age-to protect herself and not risk the future of her children, whether they exist in egg or embryo or live germ-factory