Why We Suck_ A Feel Good Guide to Staying Fat, Loud, Lazy and Stupid - Denis Leary [92]
So now we give them casinos to assuage our guilt. Casinos filled with statues and displays and historical artifacts explaining the honored traditions of their people.
Which most Americans would be willing to learn about if-when you were staring at the statue of Sitting Bull-you could drop a coin into his mouth, pull his left arm and have Kennedy half dollars pour out of his reclining red ass.
It's time we woke up and smelled the Colombian coffee brewing in the Swedish coffeemaker that sits on our Italian marble countertop, which actually comes from Croatia.
There is no such thing as an American American.
Afro? Yes. Irish? Yup. Anglo? You got it. But American American?
He or she does not exist.
Everyone here came from somewhere else and guess what-they ain't ever going back. The sooner we take a good, long look in the giant American mirror, the sooner we shall see-there ain't no Americans here.
There's barely any American cash or products-never mind people.
We borrow money from Chinese bankers to pay for Arabian oil that we put in Japanese cars that are driven by illegal Mexican immigrants who make the rest of us late because they're afraid to drive above the speed limit in case a Puerto Rican cop pulls them over and calls a Jamaican-born CIS Agent who feeds that information into a South Korean-manufactured computer that is watchdogged by a guy sitting at a desk in Bombay, India.
It's a joke that almost writes itself.
As is the idea of a wall to keep out the Mexicans.
Ich Bin Ein Berliner anybody?
Ronald Reagan taunts Mikhail Gorbachev ring any bells?
This country has the attention span of a gnat on Non-Drowsy Sudafed.
For decades we have sent American commanders in chief trotting off around the globe to vilify and verbally abuse tyrants and tyrannical empires who were so afraid of having their own people escape, they had to build walls to keep them in-as if they were only animals.
So now-well on our way to a bankruptcy both moral and financial-we decide to build one to keep the enemy out.
First off-the only way the wall gets built is if we use illegal Mexican labor. That's the only fiscal possibility. Let 'em come on into America, hand 'em each a hammer and a free pass and let 'em start pounding away. They'll have it done-seventy feet high, ten feet thick, spanning the whole southern hem of the country from So Cal to Eastern Texas-within a week.
The only other choice we have when it comes to illegal Mexican immigrants is this-NOTHING.
Why?
BECAUSE THEY ARE ALREADY FUCKING HERE!
Go to McDonald's or Burger King or Wal-Mart or Costco or a Major League Baseball game or a Catholic Mass or just your local downtown gas station or bus stops any day of the week.
Mexicans.
Everywhere.
Los Angeles, California?
Mexicans.
Vancouver, British Columbia?
Mexicans.
In Scottsdale, Arizona, and downtown Danbury, Connecticut.
Mexicans Mexicans.
On buses in cars on planes in trains bicycles mopeds motorbikes Roller-blades pogo sticks horseback Mexicans Mexicans Mexicans Mexicans Mexicans Mexicans Mexicans Mexicans Mexicans and wait a minute now-let me look-let's see-yup-more Mexicans.
You name it they drive ride hop sit or skate on it. Believe me-if Mexicans were out to kill us, we'd already be dead in the ground.
By the way-ever seen a Mexican eating food at Taco Bell? No. Should that be all the info you need to never eat there again? Yes.
Here's the deal-we were lucky enough to steal from the Indians a great piece of land that we have turned into the richest country in the world and one of the reasons is location location location-we have two neighbors on our metaphorical block. One group looks like us and acts like us, they just like to play hockey and drink beer and marry our women. The other group? They DON'T look like us