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After we all sat down I didn’t really know what to do or say. I couldn’t wait to get out of there, and at the same time I was sort of excited to share the good news about Jesus. Pastor Rich looked at me, and I looked over at Jill’s parents and said, “I know that you’ve heard me say this before, but not since Jesus. I’m sorry for what I did to Jill. I’m sorry. I screwed up and I’m sorry. And I finally realize that in order for this to stop, I need help. I need Jesus.”

Jerry had his head down while I was talking, and as soon as I stopped, he looked up at me, “I’ve heard you say that before, Jim. This is my daughter we’re talking about. What would you do if it were your daughter? How would you feel if someone did this to Erin or Camryn?”

I don’t remember what everybody said that day, but I remember what Jerry said and how I felt afterward. I have been blitzed and sacked by 250-pound linebackers that resembled pick-up trucks more than people, and they hadn’t hit as hard as Jerry’s words. I can’t even imagine what I would do if someone hurt my girls. It wouldn’t be good, I know that much.

When the meeting was over, Jacque gave me a hug. I’ll never forget that hug. She cried a lot during our meeting.

Before I left, Pastor Rich asked me if I wanted him to be there for me when I told Jill, and of course I did.

The next day was our meeting. I just wanted to get it over with. I was so nervous, not knowing what Jill would say or do when she found out. I had been praying throughout the night that she would forgive me. And I was thinking a lot about Erin and Camryn. I didn’t want to hurt them.

After we sat down and watched a short video with Pastor Rich, it was my turn to talk. I had a very hard time and didn’t want to look at Jill because she kept crying. Even though what I had to say was really bad, I also had the greatest news ever to share. I guess I was hoping that the good would outweigh the bad. I was hoping that Jill would forgive me. And she did. I could tell that she wasn’t sure whether to believe me or not, though. And I don’t blame her for that. I would never have put up with me if I were her. I still can’t believe she forgave me.

“You both have a long road ahead,” Pastor Rich said. “You’re both very different people now. And Jim, now you have Christ to help you every step of the way.”

After all was said and done, as we stood up to walk Pastor Rich to the front door, Jill gave me a hug. I don’t ever remember feeling the way I did when she gave me that hug.

I needed her forgiveness.

I’ll never forget it.

It felt like I was floating.

I felt forgiven.

And I felt free.

Chapter 19

Forever

It was September 19, 2008, the day Jim and I were to renew our wedding vows. As I got ready, I was overwhelmed. I thanked the Lord for His generosity, for loving Jim and me enough to keep us together, and for His forgiveness, restoration, hope, and healing. I prayed that He would prepare our hearts—all of us: Erin and Camryn, all the guests, Jim, me, Pastor Rich, the whole crew—and that God would be glorified in every part of the day.

We spent the entire day preparing. Jim had the guys setting up tables and chairs while the girls addressed the fine details of the event. My maid of honor and best friend from high school, Karyn, made sure, as she always does, that every detail was nailed down. After years of telling me that I was crazy for staying with Jim, Karyn was there for me. Her excitement and commitment to this extraordinary occasion meant so much to me—even though she still thought I was crazy and made sure she told me so one more time.

Finally, everything was ready. Hunter’s Haven Lodge had been completely transformed into a woodsy fairy-tale land. The open pavilion overlooking Two Sisters Pond (named after Erin and Camryn) was draped with cream-colored silk and white sheen tulle that pooled on the pebble stone floor. An elaborate candle pillar altar made a picturesque backdrop where Jim and I would renew our