Writing That Works, 3e_ How to Communicate Effectively in Business - Kenneth Roman [26]
Your letter has to compensate for those disadvantages:
It must be as clear as you would be in person.
It must be as tactful and understanding as you would be in person. Pay close attention to your tone.
You must anticipate your reader’s questions and objections and do your best to answer them.
Put everything in your letter to this test: Would you say it and would you say it in that way, if you were face-to-face with your reader?
“We regret to inform you that …” is the standard opening of millions of “no” letters. It is hard to imagine anybody ever saying, “I regret to inform you that. …” You’d say “I know how disappointed you’re going to be, but there just isn’t any way I can do that” or “No, I don’t think that will be possible — but how about this as an alternative?”
Let’s say you’re the manager of a store that sells refrigerators. After using your top-of-the-line model for almost three years, a customer has reported that it conked out on a hot weekend when he was away, and that he returned to find all his food spoiled.
He wants you to replace the refrigerator with a new one, free, and to charge nothing for the service call that put his refrigerator back into commission — only temporarily, he fears.
Here is how some people would respond:
Dear Mr. Traggert:
I regret to inform you that we are unable to accommodate your request for a new refrigerator. Our repairman reports that the trouble was minor and is unlikely to recur.
At the time of purchase, you were offered a three-year service contract. Had you accepted it, our service call would have cost you nothing additional.
But since you did not accept it, we are required to charge you for the service.
An institutional thumbs down
What a dope you were!
Our hands are tied
Boy, do we sound sincere
I sincerely regret any inconvenience this episode may have caused you and hope that you will now get many years of satisfactory service out of your Model 6034-Y.
Yours truly,
A turndown like this, with its chill, corporate tone, is all but guaranteed to lose a customer for your store.
If you were to hear Mr. Traggert’s story at a dinner party, you wouldn’t say “That episode may have been inconvenient for you.” You would respond spontaneously with something like “That’s awful — what a way to come home from a weekend!” Why not start your letter in the same human way?
Dear Mr. Traggert:
How terrible for you to come home from a weekend and find all the food in your refrigerator spoiled. I can imagine how you must have felt.
The reader now knows that at least you appreciate his predicament. You might continue in the same vein:
I quite agree that any refrigerator — and particularly a deluxe model such as yours — should give you trouble-free service for a lot longer than three years.
However, no manufacturer’s system of quality control is perfect — which is why we advise our customers to invest in a service contract.
If I were to charge you nothing for your service call, you would, in effect, be getting the benefits of a service contract without having paid for it.
Agreeing is better than arguing
Puts problem in perspective
Appeals to reader’s sense of fairness. Note use of first person.
In considering your request for us to replace your refrigerator, I have talked to the repairman who fixed it. He assures me that there is nothing fundamentally wrong — the problem was caused by a freak failure of a common bolt, which he has never seen happen before. He feels it is most unlikely to recur: “A million to one against it,” he said.
I don’t think a new refrigerator would be any more likely to give you the years of service you have every right to expect.
But should you have further trouble, I hope you will get in touch with me at once.
Yours truly,
Seriously considers reader’s request, gives full reasons for turning it down
Even the turndown is sympathetic
Leaves door open
In this letter, the author shows a personal interest in the customer’s situation. He treats the demands as reasonable,