Writing That Works, 3e_ How to Communicate Effectively in Business - Kenneth Roman [27]
Never say no in anger — no matter how angry the other party may be. You are in the position of power. Control yourself. Always appreciate the feelings of the person you are turning down.
Never belittle anybody — never make a request or a complaint sound foolish or unreasonable. Always show consideration for points of view other than your own.
Never say no casually, in an offhand manner. Always take the trouble to explain your reasons.
All of this applies just as forcefully to a form letter. Do everything you can to make it sound as little like a form letter as possible.
The admissions staff at Dartmouth College has to turn down thousands of applicants to every freshman class. A form letter gets straight to the point that “we cannot offer you admission to the class of 2004 at Dartmouth.” It then shows the kind of sensitivity to the impact of the rejection that one would expect from a personal note, stressing that being turned down should not be taken as evidence of inadequacy or failure.
The selection process does not separate qualified from unqualified applicants. We are convinced that most candidates for admission to Dartmouth would thrive academically and personally at the College. Of the many strong students in our applicant pool, an overwhelming majority is destined to perform extremely well in their college years. It is only the relatively small size of our first-year class that prevents us from selecting more of our applicants. This is one of the few times we wish we had a larger student body so we could accept more students.
All letters that say NO would do well to say it with such sympathy for the feelings of the reader.
How to collect money owed you
It’s hard to write a good collection letter. You don’t want to irritate your reader. But you do want to get the money.
Watch your tone of voice. If you’re reminding somebody that a payment is a few days overdue, don’t sound as though you’re about to call in the lawyers.
Bad Better
Dear Mr. Jones: Dear Mr. Jones:
It has come to our attention that you have failed to remit your June payment, which became overdue on June 12. I’m writing to let you know that your June payment (due on June 12) hasn’t reached us yet.
On the other hand, if you are going to take legal action, don’t pussyfoot around. Come right out and say what you mean:
Dear Mr. Hinson:
Your June payment is now three months overdue. You have not responded to three letters in which I asked if you thought there was an error in the bill. I cannot reach you by telephone.
Therefore I’m asking our lawyers to collect the $104.56 that you owe us.
Watch your choice of words. Never use words that suggest that your reader is a criminal. “Delinquent” is a favorite of bill collectors, as in “You have been delinquent in meeting your payments for two months in a row.” Your object is to collect; irritating your readers is not likely to send them to their checkbooks.
Don’t imply that your reader is a liar. If a woman has written you that she paid her bill promptly on the first of each of the last four months, and you have received no payments, don’t write, “You claim that you paid your bill each …” The word “claim” reeks of disbelief. If she is lying, it won’t help. If she isn’t, it will infuriate her. Better to take her at her word and suggest a positive next step:
Dear Ms. Bossler:
Although you’ve been mailing your payments promptly, we have no record of receiving them.
Perhaps the error is in our records. Since you have been paying by check, your bank will by now have returned two and perhaps three of your canceled checks, if in fact we have deposited them.
Please look for them and if you find them, send us photocopies at our expense so we can correct our records.
If you cannot find the canceled checks, we must assume the payments somehow got lost. Would you then send us a new check covering at least the first three