Yesterday, I Cried_ Celebrating the Lessons of Living and Loving - Iyanla Vanzant [144]
When the press interviews me, I am often asked about the tragedy and hardship of my upbringing. On many occasions, the interviewers have been put off or upset by the way I brush over the details and get to the lessons. One interviewer asked me about my unwillingness to discuss my past. I explained that those incidents have nothing to do with me. That history is not mine. It is not Iyanla’s. While I am well aware that without every incident, every event in my past, I would not be who I am, I no longer have the need or even the ability to promote that pain. I have told the same story many times. Many people know it by heart, as I do. My goal is to use the story of my life as an example, a reminder that you too can be healed.
I have learned to look at my life as an observer. I stand back, look at what happened, and focus my attention on the place where the wound was inflicted. I do not look at who inflicted the wound or how it was inflicted. That it was inflicted is the essence of healing. Find what your wound is, where the wound is being played out in your life, and heal it. Only by doing the work on ourselves that is required to heal mental, emotional, and psychological wounds can we ever hope to be whole in our spirits. I chose to do the healing work because I didn’t want to be mad anymore. I didn’t want to cry anymore. I wanted to heal so that I would have something to celebrate—myself.
I have also been asked many times who my inspiration was. Who were my role models? Again, people have not been pleased with my response: I wasn’t paying that much attention; I had no idea that people were trying to show me anything; I was in too much pain; I was too busy trying to survive to look for role models. The only role model I have had in my life has been the Holy Spirit. It has been the presence of God in my life that has given me understanding. Without that presence, I never would have been able to comprehend what I was looking at, or looking for. I hope that after reading this story, people will have a better understanding of my meaning.
My journey is not over by a long shot. I still have some deep wounds that require intensive care. There are places in my heart that are still closed. Writing this book has helped me to realize that. The difference between Iyanla and Rhonda is that Iyanla is equipped with the skill, knowledge, and ability to do a great deal of healing on her own. I also have sense enough to know when I am not equipped. In those times, I call my teachers, Balé, Dr. Barbara King, Ken and René Kizer, Dr. David Phillips, and Gemmia. I call my friends, Adeyemi, Shaheerah, Marge Battle, Tulani Kinard, Vivianna Brown, and, again, Gemmia. And there are those times when I still call Dial-A-Prayer.
My point is that it never stops. Healing, growing, and learning never stop. Not as long as you are breathing. This does not mean that there is always something you need to fix about yourself. Nor does it mean that there is anything wrong with you in the first place. It means that there is always something more for you to learn. Something for you to recognize at a deeper level. Something for you to grow through. It means that each time you learn something, you also learn how to handle the learning better. Learning is a part of living. I am so glad to be alive at a time when it is okay to say, “I need help. I need healing.” I believe we are blessed to share the planet with people who have mastered healing techniques and are writing about new ways to heal. It