Cannot Wait to Get to Heaven - Fannie Flagg [86]
When Ruby came back into the room, Elner called out to her, “Cathy just read me my obit, and it was a good one. I’m sorry now that she didn’t get to run it in the paper.”
The ladies stayed until around three, and then left for home so they could beat the traffic.
After the ladies left, Elner said to Norma, “Ruby said they tried to call Luther, but he was out of town. He’s gonna be sorry he missed the excitement, won’t he?”
“Frankly, I think he’s better off, you know what a big baby he is.”
“Yes, that’s true. Neva said my funeral was going to be one of the biggest ones ever, and to hear Irene tell it, you and Macky were in for a lot of good casseroles. Now, aren’t you sorry I didn’t stay dead? You can freeze those, you know. I’ll bet you and Macky could have probably eaten off of them for a good year.”
“Oh, Aunt Elner. Good Lord,” said Norma. “I can always make a casserole, for heaven’s sake. You don’t have to die for us to get a casserole.”
“Well, anyway, I just hope Dena and Gerry didn’t buy one of those nonrefundable tickets to get to my funeral, but if they did, I guess they can just keep it and use it the next time, don’t you reckon?”
Norma looked at her. “Aunt Elner, if you die again any time soon, I swear…I can only handle so much.”
That night when Elner was having her dinner of liver and onions, she waited until the nurse left, and then said to Norma, “This liver is way too dry, not near as good as they make it over at the Cracker Barrel.”
Norma looked over at it. “No, it doesn’t look that good.”
“When am I getting sprung out of here, do you know? I need to get home.”
“I’m not sure, maybe they will let us know something tomorrow.”
“Norma, I hate you having to drive all the way here and back home again, you probably have a lot more important things to do than sit with me all day.”
“Don’t be silly. The most important thing to me is making sure you’re all right.” Norma reached over and took her hand. “You know, I would just die if anything happened to you.”
“Well, that’s mighty sweet of you, honey.”
That evening after Norma went home, when Elner was alone, she had a chance to think more about her trip. She wished Norma had believed her about seeing everybody and how wonderful it was, but she couldn’t make her believe if she didn’t want to. Of course, Elner had been happy to see her friends and relatives again, everybody had been so nice. And she certainly wouldn’t have hurt Norma’s feelings for anything in the world, but Elner found herself a little sad to be back. She understood that Raymond and Dorothy must have had their reasons for sending her home, but she longed to go back. She had been so disappointed not to get to see Will. It was difficult, because it was certainly a feeling you had to keep to yourself. You couldn’t very well tell your loved ones you would rather be dead, and not expect them to have their feelings hurt. But still she couldn’t help but wonder why she’d had to come back. Oh, well, it was just one of those mysteries and only they know the answer. She lay there for a moment, and then broke out in song again. “Ah, sweet mystery of life. At last I’ve found thee…At last—”
The worried night nurse rushed in.
“What’s the matter, Mrs. Shimfissle? Are you in pain?”
“No, I feel fine, thank you.”
“Oh, I’m sorry. I thought I heard you moaning in pain.”
“No. I was just singing.” Then she laughed. “I guess I sing about as well as Ernest Koonitz plays the tuba, but at least he’s getting lessons.”
“Well, sorry to have disturbed you. Good night.”
“Good night, and next time, when I feel a song coming on, I’ll be sure and warn you.”
“Please do, give me a chance to stuff my ears with cotton.”
“I will.”
The nurse left the room smiling and said to her friend at the desk, “That woman in 703 is a real character. I’m going to be sorry to see her go home. You should have heard her earlier, she was telling a bunch of us all about her seven orange cats named Sonny.”
“She has seven cats named Sonny?”
“No, not all at once. Each time she gets a new cat, she names it